Science
by junerpillam
Summary: At 12 years old, Jo Curtis suddenly realizes that not everything is going to have a reason...
1. An Overview

**I know...a lot of people are against sister fics. For awhile I was too, but I realized if written correctly, they could have a lot of potential to introduce a new perspective to the story that we know so well. I know that a lot of us writers are female, so adding someone who we can relate to better than a teenage boy, but still experiences all the same plot, could be a benefit. My character will not be a so-called 'Mary-Sue'..she won't be one-sided (or at least I hope not) So if you decide to give this fic a chance go ahead, if not, you don't need to…**

 **I've been reading a lot of sister stories. They are what inspired me to write mine. If you notice any bombarding similarities between mine and another author's...lemme know. I'll credit them without hesitation. I'm not here to stir up drama, just to enjoy myself, have a past time. :)**

 **Hinton owns everyone except my little Jo (or Jenny). Proud to say she's all mine ;)**

* * *

I realized that Science was my favorite class on my first day of 7th grade. The way it brought everything together into _making sense_ satisfied me. And I needed some more things that made sense.

I was pretty smart for my age; not smart like Ponyboy, but smart … mostly I was good at memorizing things. So Science was perfect for me. At least it wasn't English, which Pony was good at, where you had to guess and choose at everything when there wasn't even a right or a wrong. I hated that.

In Biology, I had all the words and definitions I needed down to a tee ...I hardly ever had to ask my brothers for help in that class.

Not that I ever really asked for help in any of my other subjects. I liked to do things on my own. I was fine with Darry or even Soda...but when Pony tried to butt in I got annoyed. My brother was too smart for his own good.

I guess sometimes I just didn't realize how lucky I was. Sure we were poor … but nobody in East side Tulsa had any money. And both my parents lived under the same roof, and they didn't hit us kids or each other ...for a greaser, that was rare.

In my family, I mostly hung out with Mom. My brothers were always going out with Dad and doing some strictly 'boy' things...hunting, fishing, whatever. I used to pitch a fight whenever they left, but now I didn't really mind it because it left me time with just Mom. If there was one thing I wanted... it was more privacy. For there to be less than 5 people in my house at one time was a miracle. Not that I didn't love my family, God knew I did...but they could sometimes be overbearing. I spent a lot of time at my friend Grace's house to escape it all.

My brothers were a part of this 'gang'. It wasn't really a _gang-_ gang...not one of those organized ones that you heard about – getting into fights, and being arrested. Mostly it was just a bunch of boys who treated our house like their own. A few of them didn't come from great families, so Mom had started leaving the door unlocked for them at all times. I guess word must've gotten around ...it spread pretty quick in the East side. Now our house was a safe haven for boys with black eyes. I didn't exactly mind it; it was just that there were always _boys_ everywhere.

Another thing about Mom – I could never _ever_ think of her without kids. Even when she was younger, she told me, she had 2 little sisters that she looked after. Sometimes (in that rare time we had alone) she'd tell me stories about her growing up. She'd talk a lot about her sisters. It made me want one.

Mom's mom, my grandma, had died when Ponyboy was a baby. I hadn't been born so I never knew her. But I was named after her ...Josephine. Mom got to choose my name, since my Dad had already named my brothers. Somehow he still got his way though; he always called me _Jo._ It was a safe bet that no one knew my actual name because _Jo_ sort of caught on. Only Mom and a few of my school teachers actually call me Josephine. I liked that better; _Jo_ made me feel like a boy. And, Jesus Christ, I had a brother named Sodapop. How did I, the girl, end up as _Average Jo?_

I always felt like I didn't know Dad well enough. We never really spent much time just me and him. Like I said, he would take the boys out hunting a lot. I got left at home. It wasn't that I wanted to hunt in the first place … in fact I probably would've said no. Not because I was a sissy, but because I couldn't stand the idea of just _killing_ things. We hardly ever ate what my brothers shot anyways. So what was the point?

Besides, Dad's main priority was Darry. Even Soda and Pony got left out because of him sometimes. The 2 of them looked like brothers. Some people even thought they were. Dad still looked Darry's age, and he could still throw a football. Darry had followed in his footsteps playing linebacker.

He was sort on a high horse about the whole football thing. Honestly, I never got picked on by the socs a lot, and it was probably because Darry Curtis was my brother. No one wanted to mess with him. Not that Darry was a soc by any means...but he wasn't entirely a greaser.

Sometimes it felt like he thought he was too good for us. If we had more money, I had no doubt Darry would have been 100% soc. Sweater vests and all. In fact he used to hang around with one called Paul Holden up until last year... I didn't know what happened. 50/50 it probably had to do with Darry being a so-called greaser.

My other brother, Soda, was pretty popular too. Just not in the same way. People liked him just because he was _Soda_. I strongly believed there was only one person like him on the Earth. Plus...he was handsome. It sounded weird, even to me, but if I wasn't Soda's sister, I would definitely have a crush on him. A big one. They call it a _crush_ for a reason.

Out of all 3 of my brothers, I got a long with him best. It was impossible _not_ to...unless you gave him a good reason. With me and him there was something I didn't have with Darry or Ponyboy. He just _knew_ me best. I only ever told Soda how much I hated people calling me Jo. I couldn't remember when, I was probably really young, but he started calling me Jenny. Nobody else called me that; I was only Jenny to Soda. Even though _Jenny_ sounds nothing like _Josephine,_ Soda could have cared less. It was always Jenny to him.

Lately though, Soda was hanging around with Pony more and more. The 2 of them got along as well as I did with Soda ...maybe even better. I got why. Ponyboy was Soda's kid brother. He had just turned 13 … he was growing up. They went out and did 'guy' stuff and like always I was left behind.

Soda had this friend named Steve. I didn't know him too well but we both a agreed on one thing; Ponyboy. Steve thought (well he didn't actually _think_ it. He told everyone out loud everyday) that he was a 'pain in the ass tag-a-long'. I didn't exactly think that ...I never asked to go anywhere with Soda or Steve, so how would I know. But I did think my brother was cocky.

He actually should have only been one grade ahead of me (we're one year apart) but because he's so smart the teachers promoted him straight to high school from 7th grade. And even though the material he was getting now was supposed to be harder he still got all A's. My _100%_ Biology quiz that Mom had taped to the fridge looked weak compared to his honor roll certificate…which was _framed._

(I took the quiz down last week. Nobody noticed.)

If that wasn't enough...he ran track...and he was _good._ He broke first-place ribbons and got medals and pats-on-the-back which I never got. Track meets took 3 hours, and every Wednesday, I had to say _no_ to plans so I could go watch my brother win another stupid race. If that wasn't enough to tick a person off, what was?

It wasn't like Pony was there when I came in 2nd in the Spelling Bee in 5th grade, or anything. Mom and Dad showed up for that...but it was sort of wiped away after the fact. My ribbon was collecting dust somewhere in my closet shelf. A track meet stuck around the house for an entire week. Until the next one.

What annoyed me most about Ponyboy though, was how he _acted_ when people _told_ him how good he was … at everything. He got all quiet and sort of blushed. He might as well stand up and start bragging about how humble he was. I had to admit; Pony was a quiet kid. I wasn't. I mean, I would never be as extroverted as Soda...but at least I knew how to accept a compliment.

* * *

 **Sorry for that chapter. It was necessary...I wanted to sort of introduce the character all in one before I started to write out the plot. (Which you know will be interesting. But I promise not to throw a bunch of gross nonsense action on you all at once…)**

 **If you seriously just read all that, you seriously can review. ;))**


	2. A Night

Usually I was a heavy sleeper. Nothing could wake me up ...even the trains that passed by our house in the middle of the night. But apparently tonight was different. I heard a noise at my desk and sat straight up in bed. My vision was blurry; like a nightmare in reverse. The bedroom was pitch black.

I could hear that somebody was crying… That's when I knew I wasn't alone. It took me a minute to focus before my eyes found the red numbers on my alarm clock … it was 1:43am.

I could still taste the TV dinner I'd had earlier in my mouth. Something was very wrong. I felt my face drain and my heart in my throat. I licked my lips… blinked he crust out of my eyes..

"Um?"

I wasn't sure whether or not I was expecting something more articulate to come out or what… but the sound of my own voice shocked me. I barely sounded like something that was living.

The crying stopped and the room was silent. I gripped the edge of my bedpost, closed my eyes and counted to 10. I always hated the quiet. Living in a house with 6 people there was never much of it. Usually it meant that something was wrong. I came home from school and there was noise until I went to bet at night. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember the last time I was completely alone…

Whoever was in my desk jerked up. Wild green eyes met mine.

Ponyboy blinked with heavy eyes before he screamed.. "Oh my God!"

Then I realized something _must've_ happened. My heart started thumping in my chest. This couldn't be happening.

The way he had yelled shook me to my core. I watched my brother intently and wondered why he was in my room. The two of us co-existed semi peacefully in the same house most of the time. Usually we were careful not to cross each other's paths. This was weird.

He started breathing heavy… I think it was called hypervanting. We had been studying the respiratory system in Science last week and Mr. Burner mentioned it. Whatever it was called, he was doing it for sure. I tried to make myself stay still.

That's when I noticed the door was open. I always closed it a night, right before I go to bed, because a lot of the time Mom and Dad will stay up and watch TV. Talk about adult things in low voices. And I didn't want the light in my room when I was trying to fall asleep. The fact that it was open told me that something was _definitely_ wrong… my brothers hardly every disturbed my privacy. They knew I needed it. But still, yellow kitchen light was entering my room.

That's when Soda walked in. He didn't look real to me… a handsome mess just standing in my doorway. Except I couldn't see his face clearly when it was mixed from the light from outside with the darkness of my room. He was leaning against the door jamb, and his voice shook slightly when he spoke. "Jenny?"

I was busy watching Pony try and collect himself. He took several gulping breaths but he looked like he wouldn't leave that desk chair if Dad came in and tried to drag him off it.

"Soda?" I blinked when I realized my brother was talking to me. "What?"

Soda's breathing slowed. I hadn't realized it had been heavy. He walked over to Pony. "Jesus Christ. Don't move, Jen. Stay here." Swiftly, he lifted Pony out of the desk chair. My brother let Soda carry him away without fighting… he never stopped crying either.

They left and I was alone again. I wanted to go back to bed… but knew I couldn't. My mind was racing… I called out... "Is someone hurt?" I pulled the sheets up around my chin. My _own_ breathing was tightening. There was a knot tied in my stomach. "Pony ain't sick right…?"

Next Darry stepped in. People were still talking in the living room. I realized there must have been more than just Pony and Soda out there… there were a few voices I didn't recognize. (I had never seen the look on Darry's face before, either.) where were Mom and Dad? I wasn't sure why the question was just entering my mind when it seemed like an important thing to wonder.

Darry sat on the foot of my bed… it sank with his weight. He put his hands on my shoulders and gripped tight.

"Jo…" There was something in his voice that was never there before. I couldn't quite focus in on it, though. In my head I was still wondering whether or not this was all a dream. Darry swallowed hard. "there's something you need to know." Suddenly I was wrapped in his strong football-playing arms and pulled into his t-shirt. I remembered him wearing it to football practice before, but now it was too small so he just wore it around the house. His heart was thumping straight through it.

"There was an accident tonight. With Mom and Dad." It hit me like a punch in the stomach. The air left in my lungs squeezed out somehow. _This can't be happening, this wasn't happening…_ "They died, Jo." He hugged me into him tighter. I was glad he did because otherwise I was afraid I would have stopped breathing altogether. My arms went numb and I couldn't feel anything, hear anything. Vaguely I was aware of Darry still being there… "They died. I am _so so_ sorry…"

My heart did one big thump. I started crying. Just like that, I broke down into tears like Ponyboy. I didn't care that I was drooling and snotting all over Darry's shirt. For all I knew at that point he could have been Dad. I didn't know what anything was or where it was. All I wanted to do was fall asleep in Darry's arms and just keep dreaming forever. My mind raced but never stopped on the fact that my parents were dead. _Dead._ What did that word even mean? It had never been on any Vocabulary list I had memorized. I just kept on crying into Darry's shirt and occasionally staring at the bed sheet. It was spinning.

"Do you want me to take care of you?" Darry's voice was quiet in my ear. "you wanna stay here, right?"

It hadn't occurred to me that there could _be_ another option. Suddenly the room was as silent as it was before, even though the waterworks were still going heavy. My breath was choppy and shallow. But this time, I didn't mind it. I said the first thing that came to my mind. "What about college?"

Darry had been accepted into a school through a football scholarship. I remembered the day he first got the letter. Dad had found it in the mail; he didn't even have to open it up to know what it was. We all knew Darry was a really good player, and it probably would've happened sooner or later. But Dad still jumped right out of his chair to hug him. That night the whole family went out to dinner in honor of Darry's scholarship. Money was tight, so we hardly ever went out, but it had been a big deal. My heart sank. All of that was going to waste now…

Darry was being too gentle for someone like him. In a way it scared me… but then again anything could've scared me right then. I felt guilty for wanted Mom. His hand wrapped around the back of my head. He pulled me closer. "Jo… School...can wait. You know I don't wanna go if…" his voice trailed. I tried but couldn't imagine myself in an orphanage. With all those other girls… all those other orphans…

Even though I was wrapped tight in Darry's arms I could feel everything flying away from me. The door was still open, the light was still on in the living room. I almost wanted to ask Darry to close it. Maybe that would trap everything inside. In a split second Darry had gone from my brother to my Dad. Everything would change now, I realized. I would too.

I didn't want to. I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried not to fall asleep while Darry was holding me.

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 **It's late, so I will most likely go back and make a few edits to this chapter tomorrow. It is definitely not my best work.**

 **Thanks to all the reviewers! You have no idea how much I appreciate it :)**


	3. A Morning

Even though me and Ponyboy were a year apart, we both had birthdays in July. His was the 22nd and mine was the 17th. Similar birthdays and tight money meant one celebration – for the 2 of us. I have memories of all our joined birthday parties from the past...both my friends and his invited. It always felt like even how _old_ we were was given to me as a hand me down. No matter what age I was ...he had already gone through it the year before.

When we started to get older Mom sort of let us do our own thing though. When Pony turned 13 she gave him money to go watch a movie with Johnny since it was his 'teenager birthday.' Later that night I remember us all going out to eat. That birthday - my 12th - was more fun than the others.

In the restaurant I had been sitting squished between Soda and Dad. Everyone was happy ...with no finances to talk about (until the bill came) and no greasers or socs around. For an hour or 2 it was almost like none of that even existed. Pony didn't like that kind of attention. Mom had surprised him with a new pair of running shoes...he blushed and said 'thanks' really quietly. Me, I soaked it up for once. The spotlight being on me was rare. I pretended for awhile that it was just MY birthday.

My actual birthday had been on a Saturday. In the morning I sat out on the porch steps with Ponyboy. It was rare for the 2 of us to spend time alone together since we didn't get along too well. While I was out there, I thought about the fact that for a few days, we were both 12 years old. For 6 days we would finally be even; until Pony one-upped me and turned 13. I guess Ponyboy could feel the temporary 'tie' between us too. We both stayed out on the porch, not really saying anything. Pony had snuck out a cigarette. Mom didn't want him to yet, but most of the guys smoked ...so of course he had to also. He quickly became an addict just like the rest of the greasers in our neighborhood. Me, I never wanted to smoke. I had tried one from Two-Bit once (in secret, of course)... and I nearly died of coughing. _That_ wasn't the way I wanted to go.

Anyways, that was early in the morning. Everyone had still been sleeping. Once they all got up we ate breakfast (bacon and toast, by Mom). Dad said he'd take me fishing later - just me and him. Fishing I was ok with. I liked it. At least it was different than hunting ...no one ever caught anything worth killing so we just let them go back into the water. I had been a few times before with my brothers, but ever just me and Dad, so I was excited.

After breakfast Dad went out to get the poles ready. My brothers washed the dishes (I didn't have to since it was my birthday). Instead I sat Indian-style on the counter and talked with Mom. Normally she would've barked for me to get down...but she didn't. Birthdays were a magical thing.

Mostly, I asked about her sisters. We had visited them a few times in the past. Both of them still lived up in Kansas where Mom had grown up. Whenever I saw them though, it was hard to imagine them as the same people in the stories.

There was Beatrice - the middle child who couldn't stay out of trouble for the life of her. It was always interesting when Mom talked about her. Some of the things she did reminded me of the movies Pony watched ...I had to say she was my favorite aunt. I found it hard to believe Mom tolerated her back then though, when she blew a gasket at me and my brothers for doing much less. And then there was Molly - the youngest. For being so quiet she sure gave Mom a lot of crap as a kid. She was 8 years younger ...and never blamed for anything. Most of what Mom told me about her ended in her being punished for something she hadn't done.

She always winked at me during that part. "That's why you're lucky, being the youngest… can you imagine 3 _little_ brothers?"

I really tried to. But I couldn't ever see myself being anything but the youngest. I just wasn't role model material like my brothers were. All of them for completely different reasons, sure, but they were people I looked up to all the same. Thinking about it made a jealous pit in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I looked back at Mom and shook my head. She had laughed and flicked her towel in my direction.

Then me and Dad went fishing...that whole trip I didn't get a single bite. Neither did he. We still had fun though...I liked just being out on the water. Besides I hardly ever got any alone time with just Dad. We talked about things we usually didn't, but it was awkward. He asked me about school and my friends but I felt like I couldn't answer him honestly. Mom I could tell about Grace's new obsession with boys and makeup...Dad I couldn't. He was different, somehow.

Still, I liked the fishing trip, even when we went home after a day of catching nothing. By that point the sun was going down. When we got home, Mom already had dinner ready for us.

She was always the best at making chocolate cakes. Everyone always got one for their birthday. That was one thing I never had to share with Ponyboy...during our celebration she worked twice as hard to make two cakes. They both had our names written on them in different colored frosting. It was never too much. Two cakes could easily be eaten in the same night at our house.

If Mom wanted to open her own bakery she very well could. But she would never leave us kids for a job. On nights when Dad used to work late she'd serve us dinner and just sit there. She watched us while we ate. Once - when we were way younger - Pony got the nerve to ask her why she didn't work like Dad. I expected her to be through-the-roof-mad but Mom rarely ever lost her temper. She smiled and said something cheesy like, "you're the best job I could've ever asked for." Her answer to that question had always flattered me, but made me sad at the same time ...sometimes I wondered what Mom would've been like if it wasn't for us kids. Save; _me._ I was her youngest...I always would be. For all I knew, she'd continue to cook me dinner until I moved out at 18 ...even if she had no one to cook for but me.

While we were eating Pony started talking about track. It was something I really didn't care about. Apparently summer training was starting soon. I wasn't the athlete of the family by any means; but I knew what that meant. Pony would be out of the house, Darry and Soda would be at the strip, and I would get privacy.

Normally I would've been bothered that he was 'stealing' my night...but I wasn't. Suddenly I had realized that 12 was my last year of not-being-a-teenager. I swallowed my piece of cake hard. Dad must've felt it too. That whole night, even when we were fishing, he kept on sending me sad smiles. Now I knew why. His little girl was growing up.

* * *

I woke up on the couch with Ponyboy next to me. I couldn't remember even falling asleep ...I only knew that my legs were cramped and tired underneath me. Why wasn't I in my bed? My mind searched for an answer but found nothing. Only jumbled thoughts. Then again, it was like I didn't want to think too hard. I was blocking something out of my brain.

Across from me Ponyboy sat up. He wiped a hand over his eyes ...I noticed they were stained red. I could feel myself backing away. Suddenly I was embarrassed to be sleeping on the couch with my brother. Although he didn't really seem to feel the same way.

Pony's hand dropped down limply. He just stared at me. "Jo?"

"Pony?" I wondered if this even really happening. Maybe it was just a dream. It wouldn't be the first time...I always hated when you _knew_ you were dreaming. Somehow it always scared me more than just a normal nightmare. Ponyboy had those sometimes, he'd always wake up screaming. It was hard for me to wake up from my dreams.

He blinked. "I think I fell asleep out here."

"I didn't." The question was were _had_ I fallen asleep? I really was trying my best to remember last night. I knew Darry was there. The last thing I could recall was him hugging me, tight.

Ponyboy's eyes were searching me uncomfortably. He looked absolutely sick.

I asked what seemed rational. There was no one pounding around in the kitching, making food. "Where is...oh yeah."

Things were starting to come back to me...for better or for worse. My stomach churned. I was remembering what Darrt had said about there being an accident. Mom and Dad were gone.

Desperate, I looked frantically back at Ponyboy. The look he gave me confirmed it. I had never seen him so... _apologetic._ All over again my mind started swimming. Could this really be happening? To me?

Slowly I sank back into the pillow. Ponyboy's hand creeped up his forehead. I frowned notcing his eyes crinkle at the sides. He was stressed like I had never seen him before. Everything was wrong; he shouldn't be like that. My parents shouldn't be dead.

"Oh, Jesus Christ. Do you know?" He didn't want to be the one to break the news to me. His face was screwed up an close to tears.

I took a deep breath. "No shit, I know." Usually I never swore. But right now I wasn't acutely aware of what I was saying. Pony didn't seemed shocked by it either. "We're orphans."

I didn't entirely believe that statement. I just needed something to say. As it was it felt like Ponyboy was floating farther and farther away from me ...even when he was sitting right there in front of my face. He took a shaky breath. "Darry said he would give up school for us so we could stay with him."

 _Oh yeah._ I could remember him telling me that last night too. Now it seemed like a stupid idea...I shook my head. "I don't want him to. He deserves to go." After all, he had earned that scholarship…

Briefly I wondered how I could stay so calm even though I was so dizzy I could faint. Ponyboy was clearly falling apart in front of me too. His voice was only partly steady...but his hands gave him away. They shook like mad. "I don't want him to either." he panned dully.

We both knew the truth though. Being ripped away from out house wasn't exactly what we wanted either. Neither of us would admit it to the other.

A few seconds passed in silence. Somehow, I wanted to cry but couldn't. I wondered if maybe this was shock. I hoped so. My entire life was ruined, both my parents were dead...why couldn't I show how upset I was? Ponyboy didn't seem to have the same problem. He was hardly in control of his breathing. Windshield-wipers would be necessary if he cried anymore.

"We're not orphans, by the way," he told me. His voice shook. He was trying to wipe his eyes but it was useless. "we still got Darry, and Soda ...it ain't like we're alone."

He was wrong. I didn't say anything though. Still, it shocked me that someone who did so much reading didn't know an orphan was a kid with dead parents. Soda and Darry were orphans now too. I choked out a sob, but I didn't want to start bawling. Not in front of Ponyboy. This sucked.

I tilted my head to stare back at my brother. He was looking off into space; I thought of a question to fill the awkwardness with. "What time is it?"

After I asked it, I learned I really did want to know. I had absolutely no idea. It had been a simple question to ask...but like always Ponyboy seemed to be overthinking it. He frowned and started to rub his temples. Jesus. I just wanted to know if it was lunch time, I didn't mean to give him a headache.

I squeezed my eyes closed for a second. Everything was wrong. I wondered if it would ever be right again…

Finally he shrugged at me. "Dunno. But I don't really care." He layed back onto the pillow, and stared up at the ceiling. That worried me even more. I knew he wore a watch all the time.

"Me either." I pretended I didn't.

Seeing him made me realize I was still exhausted, too. I smushed myself between him and the back of the couch, and pulled the blanket over us. Falling asleep seemed like the easiest thing to do right now.

* * *

Through the day I kept on waking up and falling back asleep; over and over. Everytime I opened my eyes again what had happened would hit me again. Even though it happened about 5 times it never hurt any less. Mom and Dad were gone. I would fall back asleep with my heart thumping so loud I wondered when it would wake Ponyboy up. He could never sleep heavy like me.

It sure wasn't too comfy being squished between him and the couch ...but I was too afraid to be away from at least one of my brothers. My head got so dizzy I convinced myself I would be taken away if I was. Even if it was Ponyboy, I just needed _someone._

Once I woke up covered with sweat. I should have been freezing. As it was, this was one of Tulsa's coldest winters. I had already noticed the snow that was sticking to the windows ...but the way I felt it could have been dead in the summer!

Below me Ponyboy was cold. My breath picked up, I started to panic. What if he was dead? What would I tell Darry and Soda? How could I lose my parents in my brother in the same day? I was positive that wasn't allowed. With the thought I felt bile rise up in my throat.

So it wasn't Pony who was sick, it was _me._ I wasn't stupid; I knew what was coming. I got up running straight into what I hoped was the bathroom. I nearly fell down over Soda's shoe but I made it. One of my brothers had left the seat up. For once it was something I was thankful for. Last night's TV dinner gave it's regards, too. I was sure I had never felt so sick in my life. Right now, I wanted to jump into a tub full of ice and just stay there forever. Not have to deal with any of this.

Then Darry showed up in the doorway. Blurrily I wondered how he always came at just the right times. Now wasn't the time to ask either. He looked bad… like he hadn't gotten close to as much sleep as me today. There were dark bags under his eyes. Seeing him made me feel guilty. While me and Pony were off snoozing, our 2 older brothers had work to do..

By then I was crying so much I couldn't breath. My chest hurt like a bike had run over it, but I couldn't stop. Darry sat down next to me on the tile floor. He bent, and his knees clicked, like they were cramped.

I felt his arm squeeze me into his side with a one-armed hug. Even though I was sweating bullets I wanted to myself as close as possible to him.

He knew exactly what to say. "It's ok...it's ok. Let it out." I certainly was doing so. All over his football shirt...again. I sniffed and tried not to swallow down mouthfuls of snot. My entire life really _was_ ruined, I realized. In my ear, Darry kept going.. "you can cry...you _should cry.."_

 _Then why don't you?_ Though I couldn't picture Darry crying. To me he would always be the strong football player...who always held that stuff in. I wondered if maybe that was bad for his health.

I could feel him wiping strands of stringy hair off my face. They were practically glued to my skin they were so sweaty. I wanted to tell Darry how sick I felt ...if only I could make myself talk.

Turned out I didn't have to. "I'm gonna take custody of you guys. You won't be by yourself, got me? I ain't gonna let you get sent away. You're stayin right here." he took a deep breath. I noticed one of his fists gripping the edge of the tub for dear life. Like he could read my mind, he told me, "don't worry about me going to college either. It can wait. I'll go once you and Ponyboy are 18 and moved out...I won't leave till then. Promise. It was on Dad's will ...so they gotta say yes." It hurt to imagine a time Dad had showed Darry his will… _just in case._ Darry probably think he'd never have to remember that stuff; until suddenly he did.

I pressed my head harder against his chest. He was still solid from football. "Darry, that's 6 years from now.."

I felt like I had to remind him even though I _really_ didn't want him to leave. I just had to make sure he knew exactly what he was doing. What if he regretted it later and gave us up? That would be way worse than just going to the orphanage on the spot.

"I don't care," Ok, so he knew what he was doing, alright. "No one here is leaving this house. Ever."

My brain needed some good news. I let myself believe everything he told me. I would stay here with my brothers. We wouldn't split apart because Mom and Dad were gone. Whatever Darry says goes..

Without me asking he picked me up bridal-style. I knew my house well enough to know where he was taking me; back to my bedroom. I hadn't been there in awhile. Once he dumped me on my bed I stayed perfectly still. The sheets were cold and I was grateful. On his way out I heard Darry close the door, quietly. It made the room pitch dark.

* * *

I could tell it was night outside. Someone must've came in and opened my window earlier. It was colder in my room, and I could hear things outside. Even with that air coming in, I was still stifling. But I wasn't going to puke anymore. That relieved me.

I rolled over onto my side. The wall was facing me. Tacked to it there was a picture of my entire family that I had drawn in 1st grade ...Mom had insisted on me keeping it up since she loved it so much. Now it just made me sad to look at. I had to fight with myself not to tear it down and throw it onto my floor. Or even better, just burn it. I didn't want to think about my parents anymore. The drawing was bad anyways. I didn't have Pony's artistic abilities...especially not at age 6.

Even so I continued to stare at the blobs of crayon. I had put everyone in order by age. The boys were all blue, Mom and I were pink. There was also scrappy green grass underneath our circle-feet. In the top right corner a blocky _Josephine Curtis_ was written with a thick black marker. I thought about the weeks it had hung up in Mrs. Johnson's room with everyone else's family portraits. It wasn't exactly valid anymore. I was shocked to feel hot tears on my face.

 _My mouth is dry._ I made the split-second decision to go to the kitchen for water. I kicked my blanket onto the floor. Clumsily, I half-fell out of bed. As it was I had been hearing noises from out there.

The fact that someone was awake didn't surprise me. It would take a lot more than that, at this point.

I had assumed it would be Darry that was up. He infamous in our house for staying up _way_ too late. He kept the TV on too. I was surprised to see Soda sitting at the kitchen table. He was leaning his chair back on two legs, staring off at nothing.

It dawned on me that I hadn't seen him since last night ...when it happened he had been standing in my doorway. My gut twisted, telling me to stop thinking about it. I couldn't imagine Soda being _sad_ like that.

His eyes darted up to me when I entered. "Hey, Jenny." He sounded sicker than I was. I felt bad for interrupting ...whatever he was doing.

I grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and pushed on the faucet. It made the same _squeak_ noise it always did. That bothered me...I felt like it shouldn't have. "Sorry. If I'm bothering you. I couldn't sleep." even though I _had_ been sleeping...all day. Really, I wasn't sure what else to say.

Soda rocked his chair forwards again. I heard the 'click' it made on the tile, and saw him shaking his head from the corner of my sight. "Me either."

I sat down across from him and got a better look. He was almost as tired as Darry...But still handsome. It was no wonder Sandy could never resist him. Even with crust in his eyes he still looked like a model. _A model with dead parents, now._

Mentally I kicked myself under the table. Stop _it._

Like Ponyboy, Soda's eyes were rimmed with red. So he had been crying. _Good._ I didn't need _two_ of my brothers thinking they had to stow away their emotions for my sake. After all, I wasn't a baby. In fact I was coming up on 12 and a ½.

"This is so screwed up. I'm really sorry Jen," Soda sighed. I wondered why everyone felt like they had to apologize to me. It wasn't their fault. Still, how bland and tired Soda sounded scared me. He looked up then back down at his hands. "Jesus Christ. Why does it gotta be us? You hear about this stuff happening, but not to _us._ What about you? What are we gonna do, you're only 12.." he took a fluttery breath and I knew he was holding back tears.

I reached out and squeezed my clammy hand over his fist. Hearing him talk like _that_ scared me way worse than his tone of voice. I felt a lump form in my throat.

Finally, I admitted everything that had bothered me all day. "I'm scared Soda. I'm really _really_ scared and I don't know what to do." Everything was spilling out, out of my control. Things started to turn real to me. "I can't tell Darry about it cause he's got so much to do already. And I can't tell Pony either. But I'm terrified that something's gonna happen." Something already _had_ happened of course. But that wasn't what I meant. Soda knew it too.

He didn't say anything right away, just kept on staring at me. I noticed how he looked lost in thought.

I shouldn't've done that. It was a big mistake, _only_ telling Soda how scared I was. I couldn't put that much pressure on him all at once. What if he collapsed? "I'm sorry. I shouldn't - I can't dump it all on you. I know I can talk to Darry if I have to. Even Ponyboy." The last two parts were only half-truths.

Soda's eyes widened. He switched my grip to hold _my_ hand. "No! It's fine, Jenny. Everyone's' the same. Jesus Christ. If you don't think we're all scared...even Darry is. None of us knew this was gonna happen. Nobody knows what to do right now. Honest."

Then he was quiet. I could only hear my own breath, which was uneven. It comforted me to know Darry was also human ...but it was unsettling all the same. Even Darry couldn't be our anchor. For once no one had the answers. I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to calm myself down. This sure wasn't Science class…

"I'm just so scared someday I'm gonna forget them. Like I won't remember what they looked like. Or how they...were." I brought my hand down. My breaths were finally regulating. "I just can't believe this is happening. They're gone."

Soda nodded slowly. I could tell he was trying to pretend he was looking at me. I wasn't fooled; his attention was somewhere over my shoulder. I realized how disgusting I was; I hadn't showered today. I was still in Mom's nightgown from _last_ night. But I also didn't care. They were all things that just didn't cross my mind today. I hadn't even realized I missed school today until now ...I wondered when I'd get to go back.

Finally Soda spoke. "I know. This is the shit. But you ain't ever gonna forget them. Not if we can help it. We're always gonna have the pictures and stuff."

I could feel myself nodding slowly. For once Soda was wrong. I knew from experience now...some things couldn't be helped.

* * *

 **Thank you very much to my great friend KCQuake (did I spell that right?) Who read through and revised 8 pages of this for me. Now you just have to come to a track meet ...just kidding. Those things are worse than dance recitals ;)**

 **Thank you all for the great reviews! I finally replied to the ones from last chapter. Please continue with them ;)**

 **EDIT: The day after publishing this I reread the part with Soda and Jo at the kitchen table and realized it didn't flow as well as I wanted it to, along with the part with Darry and Jo in the bathroom; it had some typos I wanted to fix but missed. I went back and added a few sentences, that's all.**


	4. A Phone-call

Darry was on the phone talking to Two-Bit. It was lunchtime. I'd also heard someone say it was Saturday. I had finally showered and changed out of my pajamas. Into just a different pair, but still ...I had tried to go through those movements like it was a normal day.

That all changed when it came time to eat though. Instead of grilled cheese cooked by Mom I ate Corn Flakes for lunch. Actually, I wasn't really eating them as much as I was just swirling them around with my spoon. After 30 minutes of sitting out they'd turned floppy. Still, it made Darry happy to see me at the kitchen table instead of on our couch.

That's where Soda and Ponyboy still were. The TV had been snapped on to make the silence more bearable. Usually Mom didn't like it when we kept it on when nobody was watching it. And I knew for a fact that neither of them were interested in _It's a Wonderful Life._ It was just another reminder that she wasn't there. Besides, the movie was making me remember that Christmas was next week. I swallowed my mouthful of cereal down hard. Funny. Part of me had expected nothing else to go on like normal, but it was.

I heard Darry sigh. He was still on the phone. "No. It's fine. We don't need…" suddenly he frowned. I saw him yank open the icebox and quickly scan the contents. It was almost empty; Mom had never went shopping. "actually nevermind. A casserole sounds great. Tell your Mom I say thanks Two-Bit." he closed the icebox again and slammed down the receiver. I listened to the hum of the TV in the background.

Darry noticed me sitting there, watching him. He saw my half-eaten bowl of cereal. "You're not hungry?"

"Are _you_ gonna eat?" I asked tesitly.

"Good point. Fine. We're even. Scrape that out into the trash and put the dish in the sink. Ponyboy'll do em later."

I stared down into my milk. Without realizing I had wanted Darry to fight me on it; make me eat. Something had to be normal. I hated seeing my brother look so defeated. It had only been 2 days, and already I was sick of all this sulking everyone was doing. Not that I really wanted to do anything else myself.

My spoon dropped into my bowl. I let it clatter; Darry didn't say anything. "Actually ...I was thinking I could use the phone too. I want to call Grace Fletcher. I still haven't told her about," my voice died off. "you know."

"That's fine." he nodded slowly. He had just had the job of telling the whole gang; he knew it wasn't gonna be easy. "Sure, go ahead. I'm gonna go shower. I can't go sign the custody papers if I look like I just woke up."

After he was gone I let myself sigh. This was too much. I stared at the phone on the wall; the cord was permanently tangled. Mom used to try to undo the knots but eventually gave up.

I thought of all the times I'd seen my parents call people. Now _I_ had to ...to tell my friend that they were dead.

My dad and Grace's grew up together; both of them in this neighborhood. The two of us had been close since 1st grade - the year of the family portrait. In fact we insisted that ours be hung up next to each other's on the bulletin board. We were so alike ...I could remember both of us _really_ wanting a horse. Of course we never got one but that didn't mean we thought we wouldn't. Between us we'd saved up a bunch of money. The closest we ever came though was Mickey Mouse - and even he wasn't really _Soda's._ Finally we just came up with fake ones.

In the summer when we'd both make sure to wear our sandals on the same days. Then we'd go to the park and swing as high as we could on the swings ...and kick our shoes off. The game was to see who could get their's farther. Grace also had a little athletic ability on her side (not that you needed much to beat me) so she always won. 'The swing game' got stopped as soon as some kid got in the way and took one off the head though.

Grace's sister - Katherine - was in Soda's grade. She used to hang out with me and Grace when we were younger. Not anymore though. Now she barely left her room when I was over their house. I knew what she was doing in there; she was always on the phone. Grace once told me that she kept on giving guys her number. It was something I couldn't imagine, with 3 brothers. Grace also used to tell me she never wanted to be like Katherine; who, apparently, had 4 different boyfriends last month alone.

Now I wasn't so sure that was the truth. On our first day of 7th grade she showed up wearing Katherine's clothes with a bunch of makeup on. That shocked me. Sure, we used to play around with it when we were kids. Neither of us had ever worn it out into public before though. Seeing her show up a few months later and acting like it was nothing made me feel abandoned. Apparently we were 'more mature' now. I didn't see how 3 months could change a person like that, but I guess she did.

I stood up and grabbed the phone off the wall. It seemed like it took me forever to dial Grace's number. I really wasn't sure what I was supposed to say ...what _could_ I say?

"...hello?" It rang 3 times before she picked up. There was gum smacking around in her mouth. I cringed.

"Hey. Um, hi." why did it feel like I had called up a stranger? The phone cord twisted in my fingers. "It's Jo."

"Oh. Hi Jo. I was wonderin when you were gonna call. You weren't at school yesterday…" she told me that like it was something I didn't already know. "Neither were your brothers. Katherine told me." _Of course she did._

I was just going to have to tell her, I realized. God, this was already hard. I could see why Darry looked so exhausted afterwards. And that was only Two-Bit. Grace was a whole other story. I looked down. Below me the tile was slowly spinning in circles.

"I know I wasn't. That's why I called. Something ...happened." I didn't say anything else. I part-way expected her so ask me, 'What?' Nothing came.

"Grace?"

"I'm still here." If anything, she was bored.

"Oh. Ok." I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself. I had gotten that fainting-feeling again. That was never a good sign. "last night...two nights ago -" Had it really already been two days? Time was flying. It felt like all the air had left my lungs. "my parents got into a really bad car accident. They were killed."

I rushed out the last part. Part of me still didn't want to believe it. Grace's end of the line was quiet again.

"Oh. That's - I'm really, really sorry Jo." So she wasn't sure what to stay either. I kept my eyes up and stared at the dripping faucet. "That sucks."

"Yeah. It's bad."

I heard her click her teeth. "Are you gonna be ok?"

"I think."

But of course, she was curious. I mean ...if it weren't me I would be too. "Who's gonna take care of you now?"

Finally a question I had an answer to. "My brother is. Darry." I heard the shower squeak in the bathroom. I knew Darry was getting in. Suddenly I was immensely grateful for what he was doing for us. I didn't think I could handle going to an orphanage right now. "He said he wasn't gonna go to college yet so he could have custody of me Pony and Soda."

Still, I was hanging onto my hopeful _yets._ I didn't tell Grace how guilty I felt about it. That was something I hadn't even told Soda.

"Oh. That's really rough,," Grace sighed. Her breath shook. I could feel myself frowning. "and I'm gonna have my Dad bring over some stuff as soon as he can," _What could we possibly need?_ "but I have to go now. We got a lot of...science homework yesterday. Call me later if you wanna talk."

"Ok."

Just like that, she hung up. I stared at the dead receiver in my hand for a good 30 seconds before putting it back on the wall. Maybe I was expecting a solid 10 minutes of her telling me how sorry she was for me. Really, I didn't know what I wanted ...but it sure wasn't that. There were wet tears on my face, again.

I grabbed my bowl of soggy cereal off the table and went into the living room. Pony was asleep and Soda was barely awake, staring at the TV. I knew he wasn't really watching it.

The dance floor was opening up into a swimming pool. I wedged myself between the two of them on the couch. Ponyboy's bony knee was in the small of my back but Soda slung his arm around me.

"You ok Jenny?"

I nodded slowly. "Sure, Soda."

* * *

 **I don't think I have EVER updated a story this fast. This chapter was very short. I have a planout of all my chapters, and I think I thought when I wrote this out, it would be longer. It's not. I don't want to keep you waiting for a chapter that isn't worth hanging out for, so I'm going to just publish it now. Don't worry; the action picks up after this. You'll see ;)**

 **Also - updates will probably be less frequent after this. I only have a few weeks left of school, but they're busy; lots of projects, a track meet, and a (shudder) Pentathlon. But I'll see what I can do :)**

 **I am so thankful for all the great reviews you guys have given me. They really do spur me to write more, so thank you!**


	5. A Friend

2 days later

Grace always waited for me at the end of the street to walk to school. Today I showed up, but she wasn't there. Walking alone, I tried to pretend like I wasn't bothered, but I was. Our phone call from a few days ago kept repeating in my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about why she had hung up so quickly. I wondered if she even knew how much it had killed me to tell her everything. I stopped at a crosswalk and watched the cars drive across the road. Then I averted my eyes to the cement. It would be some day if I was already mad at Grace before I even saw her.

When I showed up at school there was a throng of people outside the door. My breath caught in my throat; they hadn't even let anyone _in_ yet. Me and Grace never came this early, we had better things to do than stand around waiting. Suddenly I felt like a jerk for blaming her. Maybe I had showed up to soon and it was _me_ who had left without _Grace._

I was wrong. About 10 seconds later I spotted Grace in the crowd. She was standing at the base of the stairs talking to some girl I had never seen before. I tried to fight back the feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was bad to be jealous; but that's what I felt. Then Grace started laughing so loud I could hear it from where I was standing. Yeah, that about confirmed it. I wasn't sure whether to be mad or if I wanted to start crying.

Believe me, I was tempted to just stand there. But somehow I couldn't let myself. To get to where I was going I had to shove past a few people; knowing I was 100% being rude about it, too. No one said a word though, socs and greasers alike. I realized of course the news about the accident would be made public by now.

I froze. Ever since I had seen that Grace wasn't waiting for me at our stop, I hadn't thought once about my parents. My reality crashed down on me again. I ran a shaky hand through my hair; ignoring the goosebumps on my arms. What kind of daughter was I? A bad one. A really bad one.

"I'm sorry," I said to no one around me. My head was tilted up at the sky.

"Jo?"

Well, Grace had found me herself. I hadn't noticed her. Snapping out of my daze, I met her eyes. She looked concerned. "Are you… ok?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes." My palms were sweating really bad. I rubbed them down over my skirt. It was still wrinkled since I hadn't worn it in forever; it had been dug out of the way back of my closet. This morning had been rough. I hadn't wanted to touch any of the things Mom had folded and put neatly into my drawers, yet. "Just fine and dandy."

"Ok," she didn't sound like she entirely believed me. Not that I was telling the truth really, in the first place. That's when I noticed the girl standing next to her. She looked like a mini version of Katherine, practically. I had to fight back from shuddering. Good thing Grace had me, or she'd turn out like that, too.

Just like she had always done these past 12 years, Grace was able to read my mind. An introduction was made. "this is Bethany. I've been um...sort of hanging out with her. Since you weren't...here."

I must've been giving her a look, because I swear I saw her mouth at me, _She's nice, I promise._

I was a mess. I knew I had to gather myself. Clearing my throat, I started to stick out my hand for a handshake. Then I looked closer at Bethany ...she didn't seem like the kind of girl who even _did_ handshakes. I glued my palm back to my thigh. "Nice to, uh, meet you. Bethany."

"Oh, Jo, it's _so_ nice to meet you," she leaned in and pulled me into a quick hug. I gulped, glad I didn't go for the handshake. "I'm really sorry about your parents. That's really awful."

I stared down at my worn-out sneaker. New ones weren't exactly on the budget right now. "Um, thanks." I could still feel both of them staring at me. Suddenly I was uncomfortable. "I'm gonna go inside now. I wanna get the work I missed." It wasn't like I could stay there. I couldn't stand seeing Grace with someone other than me. What was wrong with me?

I all but sprinted up the stairs to the school, skipping steps. It would've made Pony's track coach want to recruit me. I thought, hopefully _he_ was having a better day than me. It was hard, but I sunk into the crowd and let myself get enveloped by the people. I just wanted to be alone to think.

* * *

I didn't bother opening the door lightly after school. I barged straight in. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to be home. It was like we were all in a race to see who could be the last one there. Besides, none of us wanted to come home to an empty house without Mom or Dad there. Even though I had stayed after school with Grace until 5 I thought for sure I had 'lost'. Apparently not.

Ponyboy was sitting at the kitchen table. The first thing I noticed was that he was sitting in Dad's spot. I felt a knot tie in my stomach. He had his math homework out, but I didn't think he was really doing it. His hand was also stuck in a bag of M7Ms. I wondered where he got it from, but then I realized; Two-Bit. The day he could walk into a store without leaving with something he didn't pay for would be the day Hell froze over.

Pony saw me walk in. We both passed 'hi's' to one another. I was going to retreat back to my bedroom, but then I realized I didn't really want to be alone. And I had no other choice. I grabbed a Pepsi and sat across from my brother.

We didn't talk for awhile. I didn't open my soda, but I kept a firm grip on it while I zoned out. If I really imagined hard I could see Mom cooking dinner at the stove. Afterall, it was almost 6. I wondered what she was making, knowing very well this would be another night with a reheated casserole on the table. We had enough of those to last at least a month before we even had to go shopping again. If I thought even harder I could see Dad walking through the door. He had just come home from roofing houses. First he'd dump his gear on the couch then he'd come into the kitchen to kiss Mom on the cheek. Then he'd go and find us kids.

"Jo?" Pony's voice broke into my thoughts. I blinked.

"Mm?" I could hear Ponyboy's eraser being drummed anxiously on the table. He could almost be as bad as Soda when it came to things like that.

"I asked you how school was."

"Oh," I thought about Grace talking to Bethany. How could I tell Pony about her? I wasn't even sure Soda would understand me about that. Thinking about it made me feel very, very alone. I told him school was ok, and he nodded slowly.

"It was sort of weird for me," he confessed. I wasn't sure what to say. This _conversation_ was weird for us. Normally we saved talking about things like this for Mom ot Soda. Right now we only had each other. "It felt wrong, almost. Nothing was the same."

I stared hard at him. Maybe he _did_ get some of it. Even so, I wanted so badly for Darry or Soda to walk in, saving me. Soda hadn't gone back to school today; I think Darry had asked him to stay home with him. I knew they went out; I didn't know were either of them had gone.

I zoned out again. Besides seeing Grace school had otherwise sucked. People hardly talked to me in the hallways. Not that I was popular to begin with, but I always thought I could get away with middle-of-the-road. Today it practically felt like I didn't even exist. Kids either said _sorry for your loss_ or nothing. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. I didn't want to cry, not in front of Ponyboy, but that's what I felt like. Everything was spiraling out of control. I could feel it.

I swear I thought Ponyboy had zoned out too. But he was staring at me. "Why were you late?" Jeez, of all the times to suddenly turn talkative…

"What?" I hadn't realized I had a curfew for school, now.

Ponyboy shrugged, feigning innocence. "I thought you were gonna come straight home. You weren't here."

So he had been in the 'race' too. I had to fight back a smile. Finally, one he had lost. "Oh. I stayed after with Grace. We had a project to do. Sorry."

"I was scared, sort of," he bit down on his lip. I wondered why he was suddenly being so open with me. "I just came back from practice and you weren't here. You could've called, you know."

"Sorry." I repeated dully. I wasn't exactly in the mood to be tiptoeing around his sensitivity.

He looked hurt. "Darry called."

That grabbed my attention. My eyes snapped up to meet my brothers. He was frowning. I hadn't realized how much I had missed my oldest brothers authority while I was at school. "He did? What'd he say?"

Ponyboy ate another M&M and shrugged. "Yeah. He called right before you came in. He said he would be home at 7. Also…" his voice trailed away. My heart started pumping; I was getting sort of sick of surprises. One really big one will do that to you. "I dunno. He sounded sort of upset. _Really_ upset." Pony's face clouded over. "Almost like he was crying."

Something in the way he said it made me mad. I scoffed. "What's he not allowed to cry, now?" I choked out. Ponyboy looked shocked. " _You_ cried."

"I know I did. It just kind of surprised me I guess." he said quietly. Hastily, he packed up his school bag and stood up. "maybe you should start your homework, Jo."

"Huh?" I didn't have any anyways, but I was taken by shock. I shivered. Everything was changing. Even Pony had shifted roles in the house. I didn't like it.

Ponyboy seemed unaware to what I was thinking. "I just said; maybe you should do your homework. Before Darry and Soda get home. That's all." he shrugged his bag onto his shoulder, looking at me oddly. "I'm gonna go shower. Or ...something."

Once he was gone, I stared, dumbfounded, out the back door. It felt like I was living someone else's life. I wondered if maybe I got switched at birth and this wasn't what was meant for me. That's what I had felt like for these past 3 days. I buried my head into my arms and squeezed my eyes shut. I foolishly wished that maybe I'd wake up and have this whole thing be a dream. Only it was too late for that to happen. I stayed there until I almost fell asleep. Then I finally heard the shower start, 20 minutes later.

* * *

 **Please review! :)**


	6. A Lunch

The next morning I woke up to noise outside my bedroom. _Finally._ I had been getting sick of it being so quiet; that just wasn't normal for our house. By the sound of it, someone was making breakfast. Maybe this morning I'd eat something other than cereal. I didn't have a lot of time to think about that, though, because Darry stepped into my room and flipped on the light. I squinted my eyes against it.

"Rise and shine," he said without very much enthusiasm. I grunted in reply, pulling the covers over my head. It made my voice come out muffled.

"Do I have to go to school again Darry?" Yesterday had sort of been a disaster; Darry didn't need to know that though. "Can't I just day home today?"

I could feel him hesitating. That surprised me; I had fully expected him to come outright and say _no._ "I'd let you Jo, but I start working full time today." Darry had roofed houses with Dad part-time to save up money for college. I couldn't help but wonder how it felt going to his job now that he didn't have anything to work for. He would be stuck as a roofer forever. "C'mon, get up. Soda's goin too today. He's out there cooking breakfast right now."

That was enough to get me out of bed, even though Soda's cooking wasn't the greatest. I went through the motions of the morning like normal. I hardly paid attention to what I was doing until someone started knocking on the bathroom door when I was still brushing my teeth.

I opened it, facing Ponyboy. He sort of scared me. His face was redder than normal and he looked like he had just rolled out of bed. "Are you ok?" I asked testily, honestly concerned.

Ponyboy didn't bother answering my question. "Hurry up in there Jo, I still gotta shower. You _do_ have to come out in time for school you know."

"Sorry," I said with my mouthful of toothpaste. Really, I wanted to roll my eyes, but I held back. I spit the toothpaste out into the sink and turned off the faucet. As soon as I was done Ponyboy barged right in. I heard him mumble something about girls always taking forever in the bathroom.

Out in the kitchen Soda was leaning on the counter. In his hand he had a piece of chocolate cake. So much for _actual_ breakfast, I guess. He smiled at me as I entered. "Hey Jenny," I nodded at him. Soda's face turned worried. "Damn Jen. You don't look half awake. Did you even sleep?" I guess I must've looked tired.

Had I though? I honestly couldn't remember. I shrugged at Soda, grabbing a slice of bread off the counter. There was nothing else to eat, unless I wanted half an egg casserole for breakfast. I thought about toasting the bread but ate it cold instead, shoving it down my throat without really tasting it.

Just then the door banged open. I glanced up just in time to see Steve coming in. Him doing that seemed so natural to me; but it made me remember I hadn't seen any of the gang since the accident. I swallowed my final piece of raw bread, choking it down. Soda set down his plate of cake next to me.

"Hey, Steve."

Steve nodded briefly in my brother's direction. "Soda." His eyes fell on me for a second too. I couldn't help but notice how he looked around our house, like he was waiting to notice something different about it. "Does, uh, anyone need a ride?"

Soda look relieved that he had offered. Since the accident, we only had Darry's truck (on its way to falling apart also), which could hardly fit 2 people. Nevermind the 4 of us. "Yeah. Actually, we all do."

Steve nodded. He looked slightly uncomfortable. "I really only got room for 2 more, but I can fit all 3 if Jo and the kid share a seat. I got Two-Bit up front and Johnny in the back." I didn't bother asking where Dally was. If this was a normal week, most likely the cooler. He probably didn't even know.

I also marveled at how _normal_ things were between Steve and Soda already. I was jealous. How could things just go right back to the same with them, but not with me and Grace? After all I had known her longer than Soda had known Steve. Me and Grace had practically been friends our whole lives. Maybe that's where the major difference was. It didn't make sense, though.

"Thanks Steve. It means ...a lot." They stared at each other for a long moment. I wondered what my brother was thinking about. Then he looked at me. "Go get dressed, Jenny."

Finally an excuse to escape back to my bedroom. I was sure Soda and Steve needed to talk things out, unlike I had done with Grace. As I left I heard Steve asking if I was doing Ok; I didn't stick around for the answer.

In the hallway I saw Darry knocking on the bathroom door just as Pony had. The shower was still running inside. "C'mon Pony. Steve's here to drive you." No reply from the bathroom; Darry sighed deeply. "Look, I'm sorry about this morning. But you really gotta hurry up and get to school."

What had happened this morning? Probably something I had slept through. I froze, not wanting Darry to know I had overheard him talking. But he saw me standing there and nodded towards my room. "Everything is fine Jo. Go get dressed."

"Ok," I said slowly, walking away. In the doorway of the bedroom I paused. I looked back at Darry, still standing outside the bathroom. Thinking back on it Pony _had_ seemed upset earlier when he barged into the bathroom. The shower squeaked off. "Are you _sure_ everything is fine Darry?"

"Yeah, Jo, I'm sure. Go get ready. Steve is waiting."

I slipped into my bedroom and blindly pulled on whatever I found lying around first. My mind was buzzed to the point that I didn't care about whether what I put on matched or not. I went back out into the kitchen hopping on one foot to get my left sneaker on. Soda, Pony, and Steve were already waiting by the door; Ponyboy didn't exactly look happy. I rushed over to join them. This would be a fun ride.

Outside, I climbed over Johnny to get to my seat. Pony squeezed himself right between us, leaving me squished against the door. I tried to look over my brother to see Johnny. If anything, he looked uncomfortable being caught in the middle of so much sadness. That bothered me, since we were supposed to be his safe place. Even Two-Bit wasn't cracking any jokes. I squeezed my eyes shut as Steve gunned the engine, wondering when things would _really_ start to be normal again.

We rode in silence for awhile until finally Two-Bit spoke up. "Sorry for taking up so much room, y'all. My car's busted again. Right now it's on Stevie's _waiting list."_ He gave Steve a disgusted look, like a the fact that his car wasn't prioritized was a sin.

Soda's eyes widened. "Damn it, Steve, am I in trouble with the boss for missing work?"

"Nah. I told him what was goin on," Steve looked over at us through the mirror. Or maybe he was just checking out himself, who knows. "He just needs you back before the end of the week."

"Ok. I can do that." Soda said quietly.

We pulled up in front of the middle school. I sat there for a moment, staring out at it. Everyone was slowly moving inside; Grace and Bethany were nowhere in sight. Finally Ponyboy piped up. "This is your stop, right?"

Leave it to him to rub it in that he had been promoted to high school when I was still in middle. I gave him a scornful look before shoving the door open. I joined the crowd making its way into the school.

* * *

I went to the same corner store that the gang did for lunch, only their's was an hour earlier than mine. Normally just me and Grace went; but of course Bethany came with us today. The two of them were transfixed at a rack of magazines. I placed my Coke on the counter and gave the cashier a dime, staring at them from faraway. I wondered what could possibly be so interesting. After he rang me up I walked over to where they were standing. "Are you guys ready?"

Grace had been zoned out talking with Bethany. "Huh? For what?"

"To go out and...eat," I said, hoping I didn't sound stupid. Maybe, since we were in 7th grade now, it wasn't cool to actually _eat_ at lunch anymore. I hoped not. I wasn't hungry today, but I definitely would be on other days.

Grace smiled. I felt relieved. "Oh, sure Jo. I'll meet you out there at the bus stop. Same bench like always. I still gotta buy something.

I wondered what that could be, since is seemed like they hadn't even been looking, but headed outside anyways. I was starting to wish I had just gone home for lunch. I patted my back pocket; I still had my key. Would they even notice it if I just left?

The cars drove by, none of them acknowledging me. I took a swig from my Coke and thought about my parents, who had died in a car. Where was it now? I tried to imagine Dad's truck all bent up in a junk yard somewhere. The thought made me sad. Especially that it was the same car we had drove in together to go fishing on my 12th birthday. How were we supposed to know that's where my parents would be killed a few months after? We weren't. That's what bothered me.

I could feel Bethany and Grace sitting down next to me. I shoved over to make more room. Grace had her hand over her pocket and was grinning. "You want something Jo?"

My heart skipped a beat or two. So it was finally happening. All the _just say no_ scenarios my Mom had warned me about when I was little were finally becoming real. Weird, I had always imagined some creepy stranger in an alleyway, not my best friend.

I stared at her suspiciously, wondering how much Bethany had weighed in on whatever she had stayed in to buy. Probably a lot.

"What is it?" I asked, feigning disinterest.

Grace pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and waggled it in my face. I calmed down a little, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I don't entirely know what I had been expecting. I still must've looked shocked, because Bethany let out a loose laugh. "C'mon Jo, just one. It's perfectly fine. All your brothers smoke don't they?" How did she know I had brothers?

"Just one," I choked out. I was trying to remember the Grace who had complained to me that Katherine's room now permanently smelled like smoke. "Only Ponyboy. Plus I've already tried one before."

Bethany tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Really? When?"

I glared at her, not knowing why I felt like I had to answer. Maybe giving in would be easier than defending myself for not saying anything. "Last year, or something. Two-Bit gave me one. I just didn't like it." I made it a point not to mention the coughing fit I'd had. I looked at Grace, knowing she knew about it, but she didn't say anything either. She looked sort of torn.

Apparently not willing to wait for me any longer, Bethany broke open the box and lit up. I was shocked to see she had a lighter in her pocket. Grace watched her carefully, then held her hand out for her own.

"You're acting like it's beer or something," she said cooly, reverting back to Bethany's side. "It's just a cigarette. Not like you can get drunk off it or anything."

"You can get addicted though," I pointed out quietly. As good of a runner as he was, Ponyboy really had to cut back on the smokes. Even Darry hadn't smoked for football. It was like Pony couldn't though. He lived off of smoking.

"You won't get 'addicted' with just one," Bethany shook the box towards me, smiling.

Grace joined in. "Besides, you're stressed. It really calms you down, Jo."

I could feel myself curling up under the pressure. She had a point there. I thought about my parents. All it did was hurt me more. I knew Darry wouldn't want me to. But I made my _own_ decision and took one.

Bethany handed me her lighter. I fumbled, but eventually got it burning. I wasn't sure what to do from there, but I didn't want to ask, either. So I stuck it between my teeth and held it there.

Grace frowned. "Jeez, Jo, you at least gotta _breath."_

Oh yeah. I took a deep breath, letting the smoke fill up my lungs. It practically sucked all the air out of them! Why Ponyboy did this on a daily basis was way beyond me. I was getting that fluttery feeling like I wanted to cough, but I held it it. Smoking wasn't exactly unpleasant ...but it wasn't pleasant either. I didn't see the point. After I thought Grace and Bethany would be satisfied I took the cigarette out and immediately grabbed for my Coke.

"How was it?" Bethany grinned at me. Maybe she wasn't so bad, I thought.

"It was, um, nice." I didn't want to make her feel bad by letting her know how pointless I thought the whole thing was.

Grace nodded her approval. "See, I told you, didn't I?" She scooted a little closer to me on the bench. For the first time in awhile, it felt like we were normal friends again.

* * *

I had been expecting Steve to pick me up from school, so I was surprised when Two-Bit rolled up. His head was practically hanging out the rolled-down window when he yelled for me. "C'mon Squirt! Steve fixed my car during lunch. Turns out it only needed to be jumped." Just to prove to me it was in good shape, he honked the horn. I got more than a few stares. It only made me hurry down the steps faster.

"Thanks for the ride," I said as I got into the back seat. Johnny was already there. He stared at me for a second, then back out the window without saying anything. We had never really been that close. I think the only person in the gang who could _really_ get Johnny to talk was Pony, and maybe sometimes Dally.

In the rearview mirror I saw Two-Bit's nose scrunch up. He sniffed the air around him. "Jesus kiddo, you smell like smoke," realization dawned on his face. "You haven't been, have you?"

My heart sank. I should have known something would go wrong. How dumb could I be? I was about to come up with an excuse, then I remembered Grace telling me how it was no big deal."Just one cigarette today during lunch. Is that not allowed?" The last part came out with more edge than I had intended.

"I know I don't exactly have a say in this," the seriousness that was never there in Two-Bit's voice before scared me. "but I really don't think you should."

"Why?" was my stupid response. I knew I was wrong but wasn't ready to admit it.

"Darry wouldn't like it."

"Pony does it all the time."

Two-Bit sighed. I didn't like having him parent me. He had always been the 'fun' friend, the one that never ratted you out when you did something bad. Having him be mad at me made me feel deflated inside. "Just believe me here, Squirt. Take my word and stay away from that stuff. I want you to promise me you will."

"Sure, I promise." He pulled out of the lot. I huffed, staring out the window. Groups of kids rushed by as we drove. I knew it was wrong for me to be pouting about this, it could be worse. I turned back and looked at Johnny. He had been staring at me but as soon as I caught him he acted as though he wasn't. I softened. "You can come back to our house you know. I mean, if you want to. It's not like the door is locked or anything." The last part was supposed to be a joke… he didn't laugh.

"Oh. Yeah, sure Jo, I might. Things have been alright at home though."

I frowned. There was a purple bruise forming around his cheekbone that told me otherwise. I kept my mouth shut though, and just nodded. Sometimes it was best not to say anything.

* * *

I opened up the icebox to take out dinner to thaw. We were officially down to our last casserole. Ponyboy and Soda were out in the living room, watching something that could only appeal to teenaged boys. I set out dinner and went to close the door when I saw the list. I took the note paper off the icebox; it was everything we needed from the store written in Mom's loopy cursive handwriting. My throat closed up without me having any control over it. I felt scared. Everything just hurt so much. Every time I thought maybe I was getting better, all I had to do was remember, and it was like starting all over again.

I heard Darry step into the kitchen. He had just been in the shower. He still smelled like a tree covered in shaving cream. "Jo?" When I didn't answer, his voice got more urgent. "Jo!"

"What Darry?"

I turned around. He had a damp towel in his hands that he had been rubbing his still-wet hair with, and there was a little bit of blood stained paper towel on his chin. When he saw me he frowned; seeing him upset _really_ made me want to cry. Poor Darry. Poor everyone. "Sit down." he ordered me.

I complied. The first chair available was the one I collapsed down into. I was shocked at how my knees had suddenly felt like jelly. The chair could've been lined with spikes for all I cared. Now I finally understood Pony that first night, when he was in my desk chair. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. Darry sat across from me, staring intently. I put Mom's list down in front of me. Darry saw it and sighed deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "This is harder than I thought it was."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Ignore me Jo," he faked it a smile. It was a pretty bad attempt. Why was everyone acting like nothing was wrong? Obviously something was.

I cleared my throat. Something had been on my mind lately. "Darry?"

"Yeah?"

Now that I was about to ask it, it sounded stupid. I thought about taking it back and saying 'nothing'. But now I really did want to know. "Were you crying yesterday? On the phone? Pony said you were." I froze, not wanting to hear his response.

Darry blinked, looking me over. "I guess I was a little," he didn't seem as shocked as I thought he would be. "Yesterday was real tough. I had to do some things I didn't want to."

"Signing the custody papers?" I knew that he had done it sometime last week, but I still had to ask. I needed to know. I didn't want to stay here, with him, unless he fully wanted me to. After all he could be in college right now…

"What? Oh God no." he shook his head and looked shocked. Immediately I felt better about everything ...but sort of embarrassed. Darry looked almost offended. I wondered if I should apologize. "I had to go ...identify them."

It took me a minute to register what he meant in my head. Then I realized; the bodies. I hadn't even thought about them. We were going to have to have a funeral at some point too. I felt very small. There were so many things beyond the initial grief that I hadn't even considered. I felt bad for Darry once again. He was staring at Pony and Soda out in the living room. There were now gun noises coming from the TV. I realized that Darry must have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Me, Soda, and Pony ...we were his.

I didn't know what to say. In a way, I felt like I had missed out on the last chance I had to see my parents. I had never gotten to say goodbye. But would I really have wanted to go?

"What did they look like?"

"You wouldn't've wanted to come. It wasn't like you missed out on anything important. I didn't even let Soda go into the room to see them, he wanted to, though. They really didn't look like them. I didn't want any of you guys to have to see that, it was sort of weird. The accident messed them up."

"Oh," At least he was being honest with me. Truthfully, I would've preferred he lied about that part. How would I be able to sleep tonight if all I kept on seeing were torn-up versions of my parents? "You can cry, Darry, if you want to. You don't have to pretend like nothing's wrong for me. I don't want you to."

I could see him starting to choke up. Now I finally felt what Ponyboy had felt yesterday when he picked up the phone. Seeing Darry cry made me feel helpless. I really had no one.

"God, I love you kid," he leaned and wrapped me into a rib-crushing hug. I did the same back. Darry had never been a hugger before. A few months ago, the most he had to offer were the one-armed hugs he gave his old girlfriend. I hoped I wasn't hurting him by digging my fingers into his back so hard.

"I don't know what to do about the grocery list," I confessed into his shoulder. "I don't like looking at it."

"We can throw it out. You don't have too."

My throat closed. "But I feel bad."

"Don't."

I squirmed out of Darry's strong hold. "Were you and Pony fighting this morning?" Another stupid question. Part of me was wishing for another stupid answer

"Sort of. He didn't wanna go to school again. I said he had to; plain and simple."

"But he put up a fight?" There had always been one big difference between me and him. I always tried my best to go with the flow; Pony had to fight everything. Darry looked at me for a long moment before nodding slowly. I shook my head. "How come he doesn't get it? You ain't going to college so you can stay here and look after us. The least he can do is go to _school."_

I was mad at him. Me and Ponyboy had arguments a lot, but I never stayed lastingly angry at him. This time I was.

"Things are different for him Jo," Darry said with uncertainty, like he wasn't sure whether or not to defend him. "He's a way different person than you are."

"He's stubborn." _No kidding,_ I felt like saying.

"That too," Darry nodded, his face serious. He stood up and stretched. "I'm gonna go get dressed. Tell Soda it's his turn to cook."

As he got up to leave I stared at his back. "Darry." he turned around. Suddenly I felt stupid again. My tongue went limp in my mouth. "I love you. A lot. Thank you."

I expected him to say something lovey back to me, but instead he frowned. "Don't thank me Jo. Not for this." he headed down the hall, leaving me feeling even more alone.

There was nothing else to do, so I got up and joined Soda and Pony on the couch. Both of them were silent but scooched over to make room for me. I watched the TV blanky. It looked like I had joined in on one of the old Westerns Dad used to like. Soda pulled me into him close, and I let myself melt all over him. I didn't want to move. I knew that things were just going to get a lot worse before they could even start to get better.

* * *

 **Thanks all for reading. Especially those who have stuck through with this whole thing so far. I have this drawn out to be about 15 chapters, so hopefully it's not moving too slow/fast. Things will go down...don't worry.**

 **Please review! Please & Thanks.**

 **Also a thankyou to KCQuake for proofreading, you're the .**


	7. A Piercing

On Saturday night I went over to Grace's house. It was the first time I'd been over since the accident. When I got inside Grace's dad leaned in and practically crushed me with a hug. I remembered that he and Dad had been best friends, so I hugged him back, too.

"Hey Jo. Glad to see you over here again, I hope you're doing alright. We're all _so so_ sorry about what happened." he let me go but still looked at me closely. I wondered if he was trying to find Dad in my features. Ever since the crash I had seen my parents in my brothers more. Darry could almost be Dad's twin, Soda looked like Mom, and Ponyboy got traits from both. "Grace said you'd be coming. She back in her room."

I thanked him hurriedly, and left. Over the past few days I had become an expert at talking to adults. They don't need the conversation to be too long; just be polite. I stepped into Grace's room. Nothing had changed since I had last been in there, which surprised me, I didn't know what I was expecting to see. She was sitting at her desk. When she saw me walk in she jumped up.

"Jo! I gotta show you something!" she pulled me over to her mirror, and pushed the side of her hair behind her ear. "Ta-da!"

I squinted, then stepped back, shocked. Her ears were pierced! I managed to choke out a few words. "Those are great."

"Katherine pierced them for me. She said they make me look older." she stared at herself in the mirror then back at me. She was right; they _did_ make her look older. Too old. It was like Grace had gone from 12 to 16 overnight.

"They do…" my voice cut off.

Grace looked at me excitedly. "Want me to do yours?" she offered casually, like she wanted to know if I wanted to stay for dinner. I was stunned.

"What? No!" Even when we were younger Grace could always rope me into doing reckless things. Most of the time I said yes. It was never been something this… stupid.

She waved her hand at me. "Oh, lighten up. We aren't little kids anymore, Jo. My sister did mine in her bedroom. I could do yours right now. It doesn't even take that long." She snapped her fingers, to show me how quick it would be.

Mom had offered to let me pierce my ears before; she even took me to the mall before to have them done. I had chickened out in the last second. I was regretting that now, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation had I just done it then. It wasn't that I didn't want to have earrings – I was more than petrified of needles. "Won't it hurt?"

"Mine pinched. Just a little, though, you can hardly feel it. And my ears felt sort of hot for awhile after. But I can't even feel them now," she pinched her ear lobe just to prove it to me. I cringed at the thought that there was a hole there.

"Really?" Grace could sometimes stretch the truth ...or not stretch it enough. She looked like she was being honest right now, though.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"I don't know." I felt the air leave my lungs.

Grace looked sort of offended, but she hid it well. She crossed her legs and stared at me patiently. Her eyes were begging me, though. "I haven't, I swear. And if you're worried about your brothers being mad...I bet they won't even notice it. My Dad didn't. Both our Mom's had pierced ears anyways."

I hadn't even considered what Darry might think about this. I had always thought of him as not caring about 'girl stuff', but I guess now, because of me, he _had_ to care. I also wondered how Grace knew whether or not her mother's ears were pierced. They hadn't seen each other since Grace was a baby. Nobody even knew where she was.

"Your's look nice Grace, but I think I'll pass. Thanks." I was trying to be as polite as I could. I stayed quiet for a minute, thinking up a better excuse. "I don't have any earrings anyways."

Of course, there was a solution for that. "Katherine does. She's got so many pairs she won't notice if you take one. I swear Jo, you'll look _so good._ Please just let me do it." Grace was pleading with me. There was no way I could say no. Things were just starting to go back to normal with us.

I sighed deeply. "Fine, do it. Just hurry up. I hate needles."

"Yes!" Grace jumped up and yelled. "I'll be right back. Stay here?"

"Sure." Where was I going to go?, I thought. After Grace ran out of the room I sank back into her bed. What was I doing? I squeezed my eyes closed, trying not to picture a needle going through my ear. It was hard not to. So many things could go wrong.

Grace stepped back into the room with her hand behind her back. She set whatever it was carefully onto the nightstand so that I couldn't see it. At least she was trying to preserve me. "Ready?"

"Um, sort of."

Grace nodded. "Alright. Don't be nervous Jo, it isn't that bad, I promise."

She promised. I let her do her work without entirely knowing what was going on. After all, my eyes were closed. I kept on waiting for the prick of the needle but it didn't come, until Grace asked me if I was ready for it.

 _It hadn't even happened yet?_

"Just do it," I said with clenched teeth.

"Ok. It's gonna be quick, Jo."

It better be. Then I felt it. I wanted to scream but held it in. Was that a needle or a knife? My hand flew up to clamp my mouth shut. I could see Grace standing above me. My eyes started to water. "You said it wouldn't hurt!" I yelped.

"It doesn't, I said it would _pinch."_

That was more than a pinch. "It feels like someone stabbed me," I complained, but the pain was already going away. I could feel the needle still in my ear. It didn't exactly hurt though, just felt hot, like Grace had said it would.

"You're being dramatic," Grace moved to my other side. She did the same thing, this time poking me without warning. I jumped a little. Both of my ears felt like they were on fire. I sat up, feeling dizzy. The rooms surroundings blurred and swirled around me. I focused in on Grace.

She was sitting across from me, grinning. "See? I told you it wasn't that bad."

My hand instinctively went up to the needle in my left ear. Grace swatted it down. "Take them out!" I demanded.

"Not yet. We need to leave them in for 30 minutes so that the whole actually stays."

"30 minutes?" I was crestfallen. I felt my stomach sink down. I hated the 3 seconds it took for the doctor to give me a shot, how would I live with this? "If I really wanted to pierce my ears, I would've just gone to the mall, you know."

"That costs too much. This is free service, Jo, you _will_ thank me later."

I just stared at her. I noticed the makeup around her eyes, which had never been there before. Grace had changed a lot. I wondered what made her want to all-out grow up.

So I sat with her for 30 painful minutes. Grace and I talked like we would have when we were younger. We were both still into horses; I was relieved that she hadn't grown out of that. Grace's Uncle Dave, who lived in the country, had just leased 2 new ones. This summer she would get to go down and ride them. It reminded me that Dad still owed me and Soda a rodeo. We were supposed to go to one last summer but then Dad got sent on a roofing job faraway. After that we just never got the chance. Now it seemed like I'd never get to go to a rodeo again.

After the time was up Grace went into her sisters room to get a pair of studs. She held them out to me. I held one between my fingers and squinted at it; I couldn't believe that thing would be in my ear.

Taking the needles out and putting the earrings in hurt way less than everything else. She finished pussing the back on the second earring in and pulled back to admire her work. "Wanna see?" she asked, grinning.

"Sure." I could feel my palms starting to sweat. I was nervous to see what I looked like; I wasn't as fired up to be a teenager as Grace was. Heck, I had pretty much just turned 12. Grace pulled me over towards the mirror and I sat down.

I was shocked. I looked older than I had, but in a _good_ way. I stared, transfixed at my reflection looking back at me. The girl in the mirror was still Josephine Curtis, but she also _wasn't_ me.

"What?" Grace looked nervous to see what my reaction would be. "Do you like them?"

"Yeah, I do."

I saw her step into the reflection. "If you don't you can just take them out and let the holes close -"

"No, Grace. I _really really_ like them. Seriously." I was telling the complete truth. She looked surprised, but I really did love what I saw. I actually wanted to get up and hug her.

"Really?" her eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah. I sort of always wanted to do it but -" _I was too scared._ Scared of what? That hadn't been so bad. And now that it was over, I was happy. "I just never did."

Grace grinned with excitement. She started telling me exactly what I should do so I don't get an infection; keep the earrings in for a few weeks before I got new ones. "Katherine said she'd take me to the mall when it's time. You wanna come?"

"Um, yeah, that's real nice of you," my hands were practically shaking with nervous excitement. Grace grabbed my forearms and and pulled me off the chair into a hug. "God, Jo, I love you." we stared at one another for a long moment. For a second it felt like we were back in 4th grade. "My dad can drive you home."

We shuffled out into the kitchen. Mr. Fletcher was at the kitchen table, eating a lonely one-person dinner. Katherine was nowhere to be seen. "Hey girls," he looked up when he saw us enter. "You need a ride Jo?"

Grace was right; the earrings went unnoticed. I felt slightly guilty. "If you can," I told him quietly.

He smiled sadly at me. "Anything for Darrel Curtis's daughter."

The three of us piled into the Fletcher's car. I felt sort of weird being squished in the backseat again with Grace. It felt just like old times, when we were younger we drove back and forth between each others houses a lot. As we got older we walked more often. Me and Grace exchanged a look. She was thinking the same thing.

We pulled up at my house to an empty driveway. Darry's truck was nowhere to be seen. Mr. Fletcher stopped me before I could get out of the car. "Is your brother home?"

"Maybe he's working late. Someone is home, though." I knew that because there was a light on in the living room. We never left lights on when we left; it drove up the electricity bill. My heart sank, knowing it was probably Ponyboy in there.

"Ok," Grace's dad looked cautious about letting me leave. "Remember to call if you need anything, Jo. Anything at all. We'll answer."

"Thanks," I got out of the car. I stayed to watch them drive away before going into the house. Mr. Fletcher had known my dad since they were kids, which was longer than I could even imagine. Maybe this was all surreal for him too.

Just as I had thought, Ponyboy was there, on the couch. He didn't seem to be doing anything, just staring off into space. His face was red like he was been crying. He talked like normal, though.

"Hey, Jo. Darry'll be home soon. He's doing the late shift." We stared at each other for a minute. "How was Grace's?"

"Good," I paused. "Pony?"

"What?" he didn't sound annoyed. I wasn't sure whether or not to be frustrated that he was acting like our fight hadn't happened. It wasn't really something you just forget.

"Are you ok?" I asked it carefully. The last thing I needed was for him to get upset when we were home alone again.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he obviously wasn't. He looked exhausted and beat. "Why are you asking?"

"Cause you were crying," I said matter-of-factly.

Ponyboy suddenly got defensive. I saw him visibly tense. "No I wasn't!" he stood up and rubbed his eyes like they were evidence he had to erase. Why did he not want me to know he had been crying? Did he really think I wouldn't notice?

"Yeah, you were. Ponyboy, I ain't stupid. I can tell when someone was crying."

He stared at me for a long moment. I could see him trying to decide whether or not to right this battle. Personally, I didn't want to, but if he fired back I would be ready. Then his green eyes locked with my face. His jaw slackened and he looked shocked. "Jesus Christ Jo! Who the hell pierced your ears?"

I cringed. Normally Ponyboy didn't swear, not even words like 'hell'. He must be really mad - or really _scared._ "Grace did. And I like them, and I'm gonna keep them."

He was already on the way to unspiraling. I followed him as he ran for the phone. He was dialing numbers as he spoke quickly and loudly. "Why would you do something like that? Darry's gonna have a fit! It could get infected or something!"

"Don't tell Darry!" I yelled, reaching for the phone. Ponyboy caught my wrist in his hand before I could get to it. I stared at his glare. "He doesn't have to know! He's not even gonna notice if you don't tell him!"

He just stared at me like I was crazy. I hated it when he treated me like a dumb little kid. He wasn't that much older. "Oh, he's gonna notice, Jo. I - I can't believe you! What the hell has been wrong with you lately?" He let my wrist loose and put the phone back on the holder, slowly.

"Nothing is _wrong_ with me!" I exploded, everything coming out all at once. "You keep on acting like you're the only one who's allowed to be sad. My parents died too, Ponyboy! And just cause you mope around the house all the time doesn't mean _I_ have to."

"Jo," I see the tears coming before the did. Sometimes I feel like I have psychic powers like that. "This isn't about Mom and Dad, this is about _you._ I've seen you with Grace. She grew up, you didn't. But you're still trying to be like her."

He thought he knew everything about me. I wanted to bang my fists on the wall and cry but I held it in. "Well, maybe I grew up, too." I said roughly. "Besides, since when are _you_ in charge of me? I didn't know it was your job. I thought that was Darry's thing."

Ponyboy looked closed to deflated. He rakes his hand through his hair. "It sort of is mine too," he said without much energy.

"No it's not!" I knew I sounded like a little kid. That's what I felt like, right then.

"Don't you see? It is. When Darry and Soda are gone you're my responsibility. If anything happens to you right now it would be all my fault and I _can't let that happen."_ He really was crying. I didn't know what to do, I had run out of things I could possibly say. Part of me didn't want to comfort him either. All I did was stand in shock while rubbing my new earring.

Just then Darry stepped in. He dumped all of his work gear onto the floor, looking exhausted. "Hey guys. Where's Soda?" Then he saw us. We were still standing in the center of the room by the telephone. "What's going on?"

Ponyboy wiped his eyes. "Nothing." he gave me a look, like he was daring me to contradict. For once I actually agreed with him. Darry didn't need anything else to worry about. "We're just fine. Soda called around 4, he's out with Sandy right now. I'm gonna go to bed. Night."

Darry frowned. "It ain't that late Pony."

"Well I'm tired."

He walked away. Darry stared at me now. "Jo? Is everything alright? What happened…?"

My mouth felt dry. "I don't really know, Darry."

* * *

By the time Soda got back I was in bed. I layed there, listening to him and Darry talking in low voiced outside. I had gone to bed shortly after Ponyboy. There really wasn't anything else to do. Besides, I _was_ tired. My ears still felt hot from Grace piercing them, but I didn't mind it.

Darry wasn't stupid. He knew something had happened between me and Ponyboy. Soda had told Darry to go to bed; I could hear him in the bathroom washing up. Ponyboy's door squeaked open. I assumed Sodapop was going in there to talk to him. I felt slightly betrayed knowing this time he had decided to side with him instead of me.

Then my door opened. I felt the bed sink down with Soda's weight on it. I pretended to be asleep.

"Jenny?"

"Mmm?" Really, I was wide awake, just annoyed.

"Did Grace Fletcher really pierce your ears?" he didn't sound mad. If anything, I think he was in awe. I smiled under my sheets.

"Does Darry know?"

"Yeah," Soda paused for a moment. I pushed back the seats and sat up, meeting his eyes. He stared at me. "Pony told him."

I couldn't help it when I rolled my eyes. "Of course he did."

Soda frowned. "Don't be too mad at him Jo. He's really upset about what happened." I felt like I had crossed a line. Soda was not the person I could complain about Ponyboy too; he couldn't take both of our sides. I nodded.

"I'm upset too." There was an awful silence. Soda stared at my desk, which he had pulled Pony out of the night. The scene is still burned in my mind. I rubbed the sheets in my fingers. "Darry's gonna ground me forever, right?"

Soda smiled at me. The tension between us dissolved. "We he definitely isn't thrilled about it. But I wouldn't say _forever."_ his face turned serious. "What made you wanna do that Jen? Mom always asked you if you wanted to get earrings, but you always said no cause you were scared of needles."

I didn't really have an answer for that. Soda would think I was crazy. I shrugged. "I dunno Soda. I just ...I sort of thought about how I'm not gonna live forever. And if I don't like them I can always take them out and the holes will close up again. But I never would've known if I didn't do it."

"Well, you could've just asked us," Soda looked almost offended. I shrugged again. The thought of me asking Soda or Darry to take me to get my ears pierced almost made me want to laugh; it was so impossible. Soda grabbed my wrist. "And, Jenny, I know it's been a lot lately. It ain't easy for any of us but ...especially you. You're only 12 though. You don't gotta start crossing things off your bucket list yet. You still have plenty of time." he smiled again. "If you come home with a nose ring tomorrow, I don't know how Darry'll hold up."

I laughed at the thought of that. "Soda, I ain't ever sticking another needle in my body ever again."

"Good," he got up and went for the door. On his way out he closed the window, which made me thankful. It was starting to get cold in there. "Love you Jen."

I slid back under the covers. "Night Soda." What would I do without him always making things right?

* * *

 **And so it unfolds…**

 **Alright, so I'm officially on summer vacation, but I have lots of field hockey training to do this summer so updates may be far apart. Oh the life of a student athlete…**

 **Please review :)**

 **Edit: I just realized in chap. 4 Grace says her mother will bring Jo a casserole, and here I said her mother was gone. Oops; I went back and changed it in chap 4. Honest mistake:)**


	8. A Meeting

We spent the whole day on Sunday cleaning before the social workers came on Monday for our first meeting. Darry wanted the house to be spotless, which it hadn't been in awhile. I never really ever attributed to the mess; it was mostly the three boys, four with Dad. That morning we all threw games of rock-paper-scissors to find out who had to do the bathroom, - I doubted they would check in there but it still had to be done, since it hadn't been in awhile - and Ponyboy ended up losing. He tried to weasel out of it but Darry went after him about it, harder than I had expected. I was starting to see the problem with the two of them. I could tell how stressed-out Darry was so I tried to be extra compliant. I even offered to clean the bathroom instead of Ponyboy, but that had been the rule: You lose, you clean it.

I ended up dusting. I thought I could've done something more useful, but all the other jobs were taken. Soda got out Mom's old vacuum cleaner and went over all the floors, even in the bedrooms. Seeing the floor so clean made me realize how dirty it had been. We hadn't done much picking up since the accident. I was glad nobody except the gang had been over since then, either, because our house had really been a mess. Darry worked outside, since there was still snow on the ground that needed to be shovelled. After I dusted off the mantle I looked out the window; there was a fresh path cleared up to our door. The window was also blocked by a ladder. Darry was up in the roof, scraping off the snow.

The meeting wasn't until 4 the next day, but I practically ran home after school on Monday. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to be late to. When I got inside everyone was already sitting around looking anxious. Soda told me Two-Bit had been by earlier to pick up the beers he had stashed in our icebox. I was relieved someone had thought about it; I sure wouldn't've remembered. The social workers probably wouldn't like to see that we had alcohol in our house. After all, Darry was supposed to be keeping us in a 'safe environment'. Two-Bit was never dangerous when he was drunk, not like Johnny's parents, but how would they know that?

Things went well for the first meeting. I had thought there would be multiple social workers, but there was only one, a woman. Darry did most of the talking for us. Occasionally Soda said a word or two, but for the most part her questions weren't directed at us 'minors', which seemed weird. Weren't we the reason she was here anyways? She _did_ end up poking around our house, even in the bathroom. I was glad that Pony had cleaned it and Soda had vacuumed in the bedrooms. Especially his - it had pretty much been a hazard. However, knowing that I had only dusted made me feel worthless. It wasn't like the state looked too closely at our coffee table during the inspection.

After she left everyone sagged with relief. I hadn't noticed the tension until Ponyboy finally took out his pack of cigarettes again - he was basically an addict. It was weird seeing him go so long without one, but Darry had insisted for the meeting. After awhile he told us that he felt sick and that he was going to go to bed, which was fine by me. Darry, however, looked worried.

"It's only eight, Pone."

"My stomach hurts real bad."

He DID look paler than he normally did. Still, when Ponyboy was sick, he was needy. The last thing I wanted was to be up all night listening to him whine.

"Alright," Darry said, resigned. "if you think you're gonna puke or anything -"

"I'm not gonna puke, Darry, it ain't THAT kind of stomach ache." he gave Darry a look like he should know the different kind of stomach aches. Ponyboy was stubborn, I knew, but really? Jeez.

After he left Soda sighed and flicked on the TV. I was thankful for the noise; I had really been starting to hate the silence lately. "That was exhausting," he sighed. "I never wanna do it again."

I didn't either. We all got so worked up in the days leading up to the meeting. In the past week, I hadn't wished for Mom and Dad to come back like I did now. They would know exactly what to do… We were lost without them.

Darry laughed cryptically. "Well, get used to it, we have to every month." Soda groaned and rolled over on the couch, where he was laying.

They were stuck with me, I knew. The state wouldn't be off our backs until I - the caboose - finally turned 18, 6 years from now. I did the math and wondered if that woman would really come to our house 72 times, just to poke around like she had today. While me and Darry didn't have a lot in common we did share one thing - impatience. Darry was easily the most competitive one on his football team. He always took things into his own hands, since he couldn't stand losing. For him things wouldn't get done unless they were done his way. Darry just couldn't stand by and let things unfold the slow, natural way. He was always in the action. I was different; I was a complainer. I didn't share a love of sports with Darry and Ponyboy, so maybe, I just didn't know how to make things _happen._ I wondered how we were gonna make it through the next 6 years alive.

"You guys really don't have to do this," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Darry and Soda just stared at me. "I mean, this is way to much…"

Soda leaned forward, looking dumbfounded. It felt like someone had squeezed all the air out of my lungs. "What the hell are you talking about, Jenny?"

"Keeping me. That lady's gonna keep on coming every month until I'm an adult, right? That's 6 years."

"Not exactly," Darry said slowly, looking at me weird. "once you and Pony get older they won't be on our backs so much. It's just right now ...everything just happened…" his voice died off, but I knew what he was talking about. He was right about that. Being without Mom and Dad hurt like a fresh wound. Still, I didn't want to drag my brothers down with me. 6 years ago I had been 6 years old - and that seemed like a lifetime ago. Could I really ask them to put everything aside for that long?

"You should be in college," I whispered.

"Screw college, I ain't leaving you, now shut up, stop talking like that!"

I couldn't tell whether Darry really was mad at me or not. He sounded mad, but his face told me otherwise - he looked plain old sad. Jeez, what was happening? I stared at Soda and hoped he would support me. Instead he just shrugged.

"Aw Jenny, if I had known you thought that…"

"Well I didn't really _think_ that…" Why did I feel bad now? "I just thought I was making things worse for you. I didn't wanna be extra trouble." Because I'm a girl. I left it unsaid, but they both got my point.

Darry just stared at me, shocked. I would give a penny for his thoughts right now. "You're joking about that, right? I hope you are. Having you away from us would make things worse, Jo, not having you _here._ Where you _belong._ This is your house too, as much as it is mine."

Legally, I knew, that wasn't correct. When Mom and Dad died this house became Darry's, along with me, Soda, and Ponyboy. I just sat there and said nothing.

Sodapop got out a cigarette. I thought about how he only smoked when he was nervous or stressed. Now, because of me, he was both. I wanted to melt into Dad's (now Darry's) armchair and stay there forever. I had never told them I had tried a cigarette again. After Two-Bit had given me one, they thought I was done for good. Now I could feel the guilt building up in the back of my throat.

"Ok, Darry, but there's something else -"

Darry looked like he was ready to give me all his attention, but it was taken away when Ponyboy walked into the living room. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he really was sick. "I'm just gonna get a glass of water." he said. Even his voice sounded bad, in that sticky way you get when you have a cold.

We were all silent. Soda and I stared at each other, but Darry never took his eyes off of Pony. After he got a glass out of the cabinet he stopped. "Sorry. Am I interrupting anything?" he asked sarcastically, but I could tell he felt discluded.

"No, Pone, just go back to bed. You look bad." Darry said firmly. Ponyboy left after he drained the whole glass of water while standing by the sink. As he walked down the hallway I said I was going to go to bed too, ending our conversation.

* * *

 **I'm sorry about the long wait and the short chapter! I've been busy with practices - plus I've had writing block. This chapter is completely different than what I first had planned, but oh well.**

 **Please review!**


	9. An Invitation

**Hi! I'm happy to say I'm finally back after a LONG 3 month hiatus. My life got super busy during the summer and is still busy right now with sports, school, and friends, but I remembered this story recently and decided to log in, and saw that multiple people had messaged me asking about this story. I have an awful habit of not finishing things I start… but I worked so hard on planning this plot out that I couldn't leave it hanging. So, I'm back.**

 **Fair warning that I'm pretty rusty. This chapter is not my best and was originally supposed to be longer but I decided to split it in half so that the quality of the writing would be better. That being said, the dialogue and outline has been sitting in my computer for MORE than 3 months and is almost the exact same as what I had planned… which isn't 'good' in my futuristic 3-months-later point of view. So go easy on me;)**

* * *

 _3 days later_

I never really went to the drive-in too much on my own accord since I always thought that movies were way more fun with other people around. I figured that if something funny were to happen you'd want more people around to laugh about it with than just being by yourself. Or maybe I just hated being alone. But Ponyboy, like with most things, thought differently than me. He went to the movies most often out of all of us in the family.. and for whatever reason, he didn't like anyone to go along with him, even Soda when he offered. I had long since given up on trying to figure out how my brother functioned and decided that he was just crazy awhile ago. Anyways, the few times I _did_ go to the drive-in I was with Mom and Dad. It was sort of like a treat that they surprised us kids with every once and awhile. Money was usually too tight to do anything special but sometimes the weather was extra bad, and dad got a few extra roofing jobs than he usually did. Now, however, I could barely remember going to see a movie with my parents, it was so long ago. Those memories felt ancient now. Besides, I couldn't think about them anymore anyways without tears coming to my eyes.

Ponyboy had been out of school since the night the social worker came. At first I thought he was just exaggerating, since we had all been anxious that night. But it turned out he actually was sick. He was of course still annoyingly stubborn though, and said no when Darry suggested going to a doctor. That seemed like the smart choice to me but apparently not to him. Tonight Darry and Soda both had late shifts at work, so I was left at home alone with Ponyboy for dinner. The noodles I had managed to make for us were way too watery and I knew it. But somehow Ponyboy didn't have a single thing to say about it.

Grace called me when I was putting the leftovers in a plastic bowl to save for later and said she wanted to go out with me. Her exact words were, " _Get dressed, Jo, I'm on my way. Katherine is taking us to the drive-in.",_ and she didn't really give me a chance to say either no or yes, so I figured was in… whether I liked it or not. Ponyboy had gone straight to bed after eating so I went into my room and put on the blue dress I had worn to a team dinner for Darry last football season, his senior year. Putting it on made me think of when Mom had brought it home for me the night before the dinner and how excited I was to finally have a nice dress. It was really one of the nicest things I owned. I smiled at the memory but also felt sad and lonely, for some reason, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. After getting dressed I braided my hair down the side and got into Grace's dad's car when it came to pick me up. Then Katherine had headed to the drive-in.

Now that it was dark outside I was starting to feel nervous. It was like I had butterflies in my stomach, except instead of butterflies, they were big, stomping elephants. I had a feeling I was going to be caught and I hated it.

Grace grabbed my hand, practically making me jump 10 feet in the air. "We need to find someone."

"Who?" I asked, bewildered. I had been hoping it would just be the 2 of us tonight, but I didn't want to show that I was disappointed.

"You'll see," Grace didn't meet my eyes which made me even more suspicious. The dress she had on was definitely her sister's; I could imagine how it looked on _her,_ but it just didn't look quite right on Grace. When it was dark out you could barely tell she was wearing anything at all. We walked in and out of the rows and rows of chairs. The outside seats were practically vacant, which wasn't surprising considering it was freezing out. Most people had done the smart thing and came in an actual _car._ I could feel goose bumps forming on my bare arms and legs, and wished I had been less stupid and decided to dress in something warmer.

For some reason, I started thinking about Mom. Whenever I went out with my friends she always helped me get ready, but I was always too embarrassed to tell them it was my mom who did my makeup. I always loved how it turned out, though. I wished I had her at home to help me out tonight.. I didn't look as nice as I had when she had helped me.

Jeez, I missed her a lot. I could feel a hot tear sliding down my cheek and I wiped it quickly.

My thoughts about Mom dissipated when I saw who Grace was leading me to. There were 2 boys who I could vaguely recognize from Ponyboy's grade sitting in seats up-front and close to the screen. The rest of the place was still empty, so I knew that they were definitely who she was referring to.

"Seriously? _THEM?"_ I stared at Grace, honestly shocked.

"Why not?" she shrugged.

"You're joking!" I pulled my hand back, rubbing it with my other one. "Grace! My brothers would _never_ let me come here, you do realize that? If they find out I'm dead!" me and Grace both cringed at my awkward analogy. But as far as I was concerned, if Darry, Soda, or even Ponyboy found out I was alone with Grace and 2 boys, it was like digging my own grave.

"Your brothers aren't here right now, they're working," Grace said calmly. "and I thought you wanted them to know you could handle yourself, that you ain't a little kid anymore."

 _Not like this,_ I thought. Somehow hearing my own words being spit back at me made me feel guilty for ever even saying them… or maybe it was because Grace had a way of making everything sound wrong.

"I just don't want them to think I'm some baby. I don't want, I don't know, a _hickey_ or something." It sounded dumb even as I sputtered it out. Grace laughed out loud, and I felt like curling up in a ball and crying.

"Jeez, Jo, it's just a movie. C'mon." Grace started to walk over to them, leaving me without a choice, really, unless I wanted to look stupid and just stand there.

"Sorry we're late," Grace apologized. I recognized the 2 boys instantly - Tom was from Pony's English class and Chris was on the track team.

"It's alright," Tom stood up and moved over a seat so that Grace could sit next to him. She stared at me pointedly, but I made no move to sit down.

"He brought a friend for you, Jo," Grace inforned me, even though I had obviously already seen Chris sitting there. Jeez, this was such a bad idea. I just nodded and slowly sat down.

"Hey Chris…" This was certainly going to be awkward for both of us so I might as well just accept it. If he knew who I was, he knew about my parents, plain and simple. Chris smiled at me.

"Hi Jo. I, um, heard about your parents," he stopped as if he was searching for the right words. I already knew there were none; I was just glad we were getting through this part right away. "I'm really sorry. That must be rough."

"Yeah, it is," I wasn't exactly in the mood tonight for tiptoeing around the pleasantries. I was feeling incredibly mad- maybe he even borderline furious - at Grace for dragging me into this situation.

"I can go get some popcorn…" Chriss offered.

"Thanks," I said, eager for an excuse to get him out of here. He stood up, looking worried, and to my thrill he took Tom with him, too. After they were gone Grace bit down on her lip and stared at me, unsure of what to say.

"I'm really sorry, Jo,. I didn't think you'd mind," she said finally. The one-seat space in between us was like a 100-mile river.

I just stared at her and nodded silently. She wasn't sorry, in fact she was enjoying herself. But I Had bigger things to deal with.

* * *

 **Hope you liked catching up with Jo! Thank you for everything, reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	10. A Brother

**MADE A CHANGE: I deleted chap. 11 and tacked it onto the end of here. Honestly, they were always planned to be the same chapter, but I was too impatient to publish and realized the story probably seemed choppy. So, hopefully, it flows easier from here. If you already read both 10 and 11 then you're good. If you've read 10, but not 11, its in the second half right here. Read it but don't feel the need to review again. Thanks! Chapter 12 (now chapter 11, I guess) is going to be up soon!**

 **And another update.. 5 months later. So sorry, everyone.I hit a rough patch with writing and i'm slowly coming back to this story. Hopefully the next chapter will be out within a few days (and not months) considering that I have it - alone with the whole rest of the story, yay - completely planned out.**

 **So yes. Warnings for mediocre writing and a kind of cliffhanger ;)**

* * *

Me and Grace didn't talk anymore until the boys came back from the concessions. Chris was carrying a popcorn and 2 Pepsis - one for me and one for him, I was guessing. He handed me mine silently when he got to our seats. I took it without argument, since I was actually kind of thirsty.

"Thanks." I had thought about it, and decided he hadn't really done anything wrong, so maybe I could at least make an attempt act friendly with him.

Grace shot me a smile from over Tom's head. I just shrugged at her, letting her know that just because I was getting along with Chris, our feud wasn't over.

After awhile I sort of got used to things. Chris wasn't bad looking by any means. The longer I sat next to him, the more of a crush on him I developed. Whenever something funny happened in the movie, he'd smile at me, and then we'd both end up in a laughing fit about it. At one point he even tried holding my hand ...a few hours ago I might've yanked it away, but his hands were warm, while mine were cold and clammy; the perfect combination.

However I was brought back to reality when I heard Grace giggling. "Oh my _God,_ Tom.."

I looked over to see Tom holding up 4 beer bottles into the air. "I thought we could loosen up a little bit."

Things were going bad, really quickly, just like I thought they would. My heart began slamming against my ribs. This couldn't be happening; I had no idea how I'd act if I got drunk. Foolishly, I wished I'd at least had a little experience.

Chris took 2 of the bottles and offered one to me. I just stared at him, without taking it, feeling my jaw coming unhinged. Grace must've noticed my face. I saw her bite her lip, like maybe she hadn't exactly signed up for this part of the night, either.

"Wait.."

"You said you wanted a 'fun night', Grace," Tom already had the cap popped off his beer, and was drinking from it. "I had my brother get these for us."

For some reason, as upset as I was, I started laughing at that. I guess I was picturing Darry and Soda sneaking around booze for Pony and me. I wasn't stupid; I knew that the the two of them had had their fair share of nights out, but for the most part they were on the same page - don't let us find out, because we might tell Mom (or worse Dad).

 _Well, actually…_ Thinking about my parents made my chest tighten. I stared down at my sandals, which I was just now realizing had the straps put on crooked.

Chris raised an eyebrow at me, like I was going insane. He waved the beer in my direction. "Are you gonna take this?"

Caught off guard, the smile was wiped off my face. Immediately I rattled off the first thing that came to my mind. "What? No way." I looked at Grace, assuming this was our ticket to get out of here, but I was shocked to see she already had her bottle open. "Grace! What are you doing?"

"It's just one Jo," she said almost apologetically.

It looked like I was being left with no other choice. I took the beer from Chris and we all sat down again, me refusing to make eye contact with any of them.

Honestly, as much as I was mad, I was terrified too. I wished I could disappear on the spot and go home. Being there, in my house with my sick brother, probably making him chicken noodle soup, sounded like heaven to me at this stage. It was starting to get even colder out, and now everyone around me smelled like beer. I sniffled back a few gross, snot-filled tears. None of these people would see me cry tonight.

When none of them were looking, I tipped my beer bottle, letting the booze spill onto the concrete. The least I could do for myself was have Grace _think_ I was drinking.

Grace and Tom had started kissing a few minutes ago. Jeez, I knew it was a drive-in date, but still. I couldn't make myself even look at Grace. She was by far a way different girl than I had known at the beginning of the school year.

I felt Chris's warm hand in my palm again. Soon he moved up my arm, and before I knew it his arm was around my shoulders. It wasn't exactly a comfortable position considering we were in two different chairs. But I still let him, to save myself the embarrassment of freaking out and pushing him away.

Besides, even if he had a head full of rocks, it didn't mean he wasn't cute.

At least, that's what I thought until he leaned in for a kiss. His eyes were closed, so he didn't see mine widen, but he certainly must've felt the way I shoved him backwards. I acted completely on instinct. Christ, I didn't want to have my first kiss on a crappy double date a week after my parents had been killed -

"What the hell?!" My voice didn't even sound like my own. The only thing I could hear was my own ragged, choppy breathing. Hastily, I hiked my dress straps way up my chest, so that absolutely nothing was being revealed.

Chris looked surprised for a few seconds, but then he smiled again, like I hadn't just massively rejected him. "Jeez, you're uptight."

Like I had a million times this past week, I wondered if I'd been switched at birth, and this was really someone else's crazy life I was living through.

"Jo!"

Now somebody was yelling my name. My adrenaline was still high from the attempted kiss, so I looked up immediately.

I stared in Grace's direction to see if maybe it was her. She'd broken apart from Tom by then, but she looked just was confused as I was.

"Huh?"

I could see a kid racing down our row of seats. As soon as they came into view, I was shocked out of my mind when I realized it was Ponyboy. Considering he still looked sick as a dog, I was impressed by the agility he climbed over Grace, Tom, and Chris' legs with. I guess it was one thing track practice had paid off for. Judging by the stricken look on his face ...things must've been looking pretty bad for me.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, like the fact that he was _here_ wasn't weird enough. "Jeez, Jo, is that a beer?!"

I dropped the bottle as fast as I could. Someone chose exactly then to honk their car horn at my brother for standing up in the middle of the screen.

Pony collapsed down onto the back of one of the seats in the row in front of us. He glared straight at me, but I wasn't nervous; as soon as I explained the mess I was in, I'd be in the clear. I had just been zoned out thinking of how I finally had an excuse to get out of here.

"Explain this," he hissed at me.

"It was just one." I said coolly - but I was giving him a look that I hoped would be read as: _I didn't drink anything._

"Ponyboy Curtis?" Chris looked shocked and, honestly, sort of scared to see my brother standing there in front of him. Then I remembered him trying to kiss me and decided I didn't have any sympathy for him.

I was actually starting to wonder whether or not Ponyboy had witnessed the whole kissing-incident, when I didn't even have to ask.

Ponyboy stared at Chris for a second like he was sizing him up. Chris was definitely bigger than he was; I think he threw shot put for the track team. If he did, it didn't seem like that mattered to my brother when he wound up to slam his fist square into his jaw.

I felt my mouth drop open. Grace and Tom noticed, too. Tom yelled, "Jesus Christ!" and Grace scrambled around to grab her purse. Before I knew it, she and Tom were both leaving.

"I'm really, really sorry about this Jo -"

Feeling sick and abandoned, I screamed " _Stop!"_ at the top of my lungs before Chris, who had blood flowing down his chin from his lip, had a chance to swing at Ponyboy. Then I leaned forwards, and puked on the blue plastic chair in front of me.

* * *

"How did you know where I was?"

I didn't remember hopping over the fence to get out, but I was on the sidewalk, next to Ponyboy. It was like I had tunnel vision - all that I could focus on was going home and getting in bed. Everything ached, on that matter. Throwing up hadn't helped. I couldn't imagine how I'd be feeling had I actually been drinking like Grace had wanted me to.

Ponyboy stared at me sideways. We started heading in the direction of home. "I called Grace's dad first. He said he thought Grace was at our house - and well, I guess I just knew."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what she was gonna do." I said weakly. Afterall, Pony still didn't know I hadn't drank that beer.

"What the hell were you thinking Jo? I thought out of all of us, you would've known better. You've always been the most responsible."

My throat dried up. Suddenly, I couldn't summon my own voice. He thought I was the most responsible?

"I wasn't thinking," I said honestly. It sort of felt like a stranger was speaking through my body. "And I was mad at you. So when Grace called I just went. I'm really, really sorry."

"You were mad at me?" he looked as though he had no idea.

"It's a long story."

Ponyboy just stared at me. Honestly, I was dumbfounded trying to finding the root of why we didn't get along, too.

All three of my brothers had become experts at sneaking out and back in before me. Soda was the most frequent, during both middle and high school. Pretty much everyone wanted Soda around - I understood why. It sounded strange coming from me, since I'm his sister, but Soda is everything I would look for in a guy, whenever I started dating. (Which, if Darry was my guardian, would probably be in the very far off future.) Soda was kind and compassionate… but I'd be willing to bet he also brought a whole lot of life to the party. He had just never mastered sneaking back in. Sometimes he was even accompanied by Steve and Two-Bit. Three drunk and rowdy boys barging in after midnight didn't ever get past our parents. Whenever they woke up, I stayed laying in bed under my covers, listening to their heated conversations. I felt safe… and like the 'good' kid, because I normally never saw Mom and Dad's bad side. But, I realized with overwhelming sadness, not anymore.

"Jo?"

I looked up, and realized we were already about half of a mile away from the drive in. "Yeah?"

"Are you drunk?"

Sheesh, for someone who usually beat around the bush instead of getting right to the point, Ponyboy was being pretty blunt. He was looking at me like he didn't even want the answer. I was surprised, to say the least.

"No! ...no! I dumped that beer on the ground. I wanted Grace and them to… think I was drinking it. It was a really awkward situation."

"Oh," even though he wasn't letting it on, I could tell that Ponyboy was extremely relieved. "That's good."

"You've been drunk before." I had no clue why I reminded him of that, but it seemed like a better idea than just letting my mind wander again.

"Only once." I could tell he was embarrassed, which happened often. "But it would be sort of weird if you got into that stuff."

"Because I'm the youngest."

I had caught him off guard. "Well, yeah."

"Only by 11 months," I reminded him for what felt like the millionth time. Though, now that Ponyboy was two grades ahead of me instead of just one, it felt like more than that. Maybe it felt the same way for him too.

"What are you tryin to say, Jo? Do you wanna start drinking? Are you planning on throwing a kegger at our house that I'm not aware of?"

Pony still sounded pretty annoyed, except his voice was a lot lighter, now. I laughed out loud, which felt strange, since I hadn't actually done it in so long. "No! No way! Not yet."

"Yet?" Pony grinned at me and I was glad that I had made him smile too.

We spent the rest of the walk discussing how Darry might react if I really threw a beer blast in our house. I said I thought he might actually join in; Pony said he'd lock us up in the house until New Years. Before I knew it we were on our front porch. Never in my whole life had I been so relieved to see my own house. I had stupidly left home without bringing a key (I guess I was planning on sneaking back in Soda-style, through the window) but Pony had one on him. If only he could find it inside his jacket.

I hadn't noticed how sick Ponyboy actually looked while we were walking in the dark. I was worried - Ponyboy was needy when he was sick, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with that tonight.

He found the house key and held it up so I could see. "Found it!"

"Pony? Are you sure you're ok?"

"Well, I am still sick."

"No kidding." I wasn't in the mood to tiptoe around his feelings. Suddenly, Ponyboy looked unfocused.

"Jo -" Pony stumbled over a few feet. I put up my arm, ready to catch him if needed. "Is… jeez. Is the porch moving to you?" I felt my eyes bug out. Please, please, no. "I think I'm -" Ponyboy forced the key into my hand and leaned over the porch rail and vomited.

"Jeez!" I screamed, not knowing how else to react.

"Sorry." he stood up again and looked at me helplessly. Ponyboy had always been the thinnest one in the family, but I could tell he had lost weight, just from being sick these past few days. If I needed my parents at any time this week, it was right now.

It felt like the air was being squeezed out of my lungs. "Don't apologize."

"This is bad. This sucks."

I realized I was gonna be the one making the executive decision. "I'll call Darry," I decided, opening the door and letting Pony go inside. He shook his head at me.

"Don't!"

"What? Why not?!"

"He's working the late shift, Jo. We can't interrupt him." Apparently, Pony - who I had thought of all people wouldn't mind making Darry come home early - cared excessively all of a sudden.

"I think he might like to know you're puking your guts out!" I yelled, sure the whole neighborhood could hear by now.

"Call Steve instead, ok? He worked this morning, so he's home."

He layed down on the sofa and was asleep in seconds.

* * *

 **You're probably wondering how many chapters I can drag out one night? More than you think. Hopefully I haven't bored you to tears.**

 **Please review! About 4 chapters left!**


	11. A Car Ride

**A few days ago I added a new part to chap. 10 - if you haven't read it, I'd recommend going back and doing so, unless you'll be VERY confused. You should be able to find it easy - I put a line break.**

 **Thanks :)**

* * *

I had changed into new clothes the minute I'd gotten inside the house. The dress I'd been wearing was now sitting in a wrinkled pile on my bedroom floor, along with my sandals. Now I had on a pair of Soda's old sweatpants and a light blue t-shirt that had been around our house for years with no specific owner - I'd pretty much seen it on every family member. After that, I'd tried cleaning up the house a little bit, by putting the empty bowls Pony and I had used earlier into the sink and re-setting the table, but I hadn't really been able to focus on anything I was doing. Since Pony was sleeping, the house was empty and lonely, which I realized I hated. I hadn't spent too much time by myself since the accident.

Ponyboy was taking up the whole couch so I took Dad's old armchair - although it was slowly becoming Darry's. I hadn't noticed anything at first - but now that things were finally settling down, I noticed that whenever we all sat down to watch TV me, Soda and Pony got the couch and he took the chair. There had barely been enough space when there were 6 of us, so usually either me or Pony took turns on the arm. But that wasn't necessary anymore.

Anyways, Pony was completely knocked out. Unlike me, he could fall asleep almost anywhere. I was jealous. His face looked almost peaceful - definitely not like a kid who had found out that his parents died, less than 2 weeks ago. Pony had had nightmares since he was a kid - I was glad he wasn't having one right now, because I didn't think I could deal with that.

I turned on the TV by stretching out my leg and twisting the dials with my toes. An old Christmas special that Mom would've loved came on, making me remember that Christmas was only a few days away… or was it? Jeez, I hadn't been able to keep track of the date.

"Jo?"

I panicked for a second, then toe-pressed the button to turn the TV off. I hadn't expected Pony to wake up. "Pony? Are you ok?"

"Still sick."

 _Well, duh…_ "Steve's on his way."

"Jo, I'm sorry for yelling and everything. You know, on that night you let Grace pierce your ears. I wasn't… thinking about what I was doing. I was surprised, mostly."

Why he'd randomly thought of that was beyond me. Like I said, I gave up on figuring out how Pony functioned awhile ago. "It's ok."

"No it's not. I shouldn't be so nosy about all of your ...girl stuff. I'm really, really sorry Jo. It wasn't my place."

Normally, I would've been smirking about ' _girl stuff',_ but I was confused. Why was Pony apologizing to _me?_ I was the one who had snuck out, for crying out loud! I should've been begging him not to rat me out to Darry. Besides, coming to get me from the drive-in had been enough of a non-verbal apology in itself.

"I know. You don't need to apologize, though. That's silly. And I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

Everything - but I didn't really feel like explaining it right now. "Tell me if you think you're gonna puke again or anything. I'll get the trash can." Mom had always kept a little metal wastebasket in our bathroom, to throw _her_ 'girl stuff' into. Eventually the boys thought it would be ok to just starting throwing out food into it. There had been some pretty gross stuff in there - I definitely wouldn't want to go sticking my face in it, but Pony might have no choice. "Does your stomach still hurt?"

He'd complained about it while we were walking home.

"Actually, yeah, really bad."

"Just say the word about the whole trash can thing."

"Ok," he agreed. Neither of us said anything else for a few more seconds, until, "Sheesh, Jo, I miss them."

"Me too." Unlike talking with Soda, conversations with Ponyboy usually stayed on one track, but this one kept on switching directions like a roller coaster.

"What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know… I wish I knew, Pony."

"Me and Darry have been fighting a lot and it's getting pretty bad. I mean, I _know_ he gave up college to have custody of us. And I know it was _his_ choice. But sometimes I think he regrets it, don't you?"

Jeez. Usually, it took a lot of provoking to get Pony to give so much information. But now he was just saying all this, to _me,_ without any sort of questioning whatsoever.

"Sheesh, Pony, it hasn't even been two weeks. I don't think he does."

"He's gonna be working even more than Dad did. Soda told me he's already looking for another job, to get us more money. He's only _twenty."_

I swallowed, still not completely used to referring to my parents in the past-tense. "He's just doing what he needs to do," I said. But I wasn't totally convinced - I was trying to put things into perspective, but in reality, I didn't want Darry working twice as much either.

"I know, but what if he starts to regret not going to college a couple _years_ from now? I mean, he's pretty much been playing football since middle school. And before that, too. Remember him and Dad playing catch in the yard?" Both of us smiled, thinking about that memory, but then Pony looked upset again. "And now it's just gone."

"There's community college. And when we get older he can start going to _real_ college. It's not like it's never gonna happen. Darry knows what he's doing." That, I was totally certain and confident about.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I just _asked_ him, and he said so. You know, you get pretty far if you just ask people things straight-up." (I knew that Ponyboy would continue to keep everything to himself, though, it's just how he was.) "I was really worried, and so I asked him about whether or not he'd rather be in college. There was no way, Pony. He said he's definitely gonna stay with us... no matter what."

I watched Pony register that for a few seconds.

"I think you're the main reason he took custody, Jo. You're really smart… I think he wants to see you go to college, and everything." he said.

What?! I wondered if Ponyboy was so sick he wasn't aware of what he was saying. If that were the case, Steve really needed to hurry up and get here. I felt my jaw become unhinged. How could he even say that? It was like thinking Mom or Dad had favorited one of us kids.

"Mom and Dad didn't have favorites," I said. "Darry doesn't either. He took custody for _all of us."_

"Yeah, but Darry's not Mom and Dad. He's our brother. We're not his kids - we're his siblings. Honestly, I'd rather hang out with Soda than I would with him, so maybe _that's_ a favorite."

I decided to drop the whole favorites-thing. "Pony, you said that you think Darry's staying to see me go to college… that's _you!"_ I whisper-yelled. "Seriously, you skipped an entire grade! And you're on the track team - which Darry _loves._ You know how much he's into sports and stuff like that."

"But _I'm_ not the one who can actually talk to him. That's you."

I blinked, clueless. "What?"

"Like what you said, how you asked him if he wanted to go to college or not. I don't think Darry would give me an answer if _I_ asked him that. At least not the truth. It's a real personal question. And, you might not've noticed, but Darry kind of intimidates everyone within 100 feet of him."

"I didn't. Darry doesn't intimidate me." That was the honest truth.

I could see how he might scare someone, say, across from him on the football field, because he was so big. Or anyone he didn't know. But Darry was family to me, so I wasn't nervous around him. I'd thought that's how it was for everyone close to us.

"Well, _I_ sure can't just talk to him. Everything I say is wrong. He just gets mad. Him and Soda get along, too, but not as well as you guys. You have _real_ conversations. Which is sort of weird, since,"

"I'm the youngest and he's the oldest?"

Honestly, I hadn't noticed any different between my relationship with Darry and anyone else's. I guessed maybe I had been trapped in my own little bubble. Usually that was something Pony got faulted for doing.

"I guess so."

"Well, thanks."

I noticed Pony had the watch on his wrist again - it was 10 minutes to midnight. Jeez, I hadn't realized how late it really was. Steve should be here any minute, but I probably still had time to kill. "So what's high school like? You know, since I'm gonna be up there in less than two years.

Then Ponyboy and I spent the next 10 minutes discussing what happened in high school. According to him, there were a lot more sports teams to pick from than there were in middle school. He even suggested that I try out for track. I actually laughed out loud when he said that - everyone knew I'd never been the athlete of the family.

After a few minutes of talking Pony fell back asleep again and I migrated over to the kitchen to get a Pepsi from the fridge. It had felt weird acting like Pony's therapist - lately it seemed like everyone was doing that for me. It felt like I was returning a huge favor.

Steve showed up at around 10 past twelve. I was back in the arm chair, watching that Christmas special again, when he walked through the door.

"Hey, Steve."

He nodded at me. "Jo." Then he noticed Pony, still laying on the couch. "How is -"

"Dad?" Ponyboy asked. I guess he must've heard Steve come in.

Steve's eyes completely bugged out. I felt mine do the same. Pony was starting to wake up again, only he couldn't be nearly as alert as the last time, unless he wouldn't have been asking for our parents.

However, Steve did a good job of playing it cool. "Nah, kid, it's Steve." He looked at me again, looking for answers. I didn't have any. "Has he been…"

"This is the first time he… asked for Dad, if that's what you mean," I explained. This whole night was beginning to feel like one big dream. "We were just talking a few minutes ago and he was fine."

"Oh. Ok."

After that, it seemed like Steve knew exactly what to do. He picked Pony up bridal-style and carried him outside to his truck like he weighed absolutely nothing. I ran around the house, turning off all the lights - Darry was starting to nag us about the electricity bill shooting up - and then went to go meet them out there.

Steve's truck was pretty cramped, even though me and Pony were small. I got squished into the middle seat. Somehow, I also ended up riding with Pony's feet on my lap, while he slept again. Occasionally he would say something in gibberish, asking for either Mom or Dad, then knock out again. Steve and I didn't say a word about it. Eventually we got onto a highway, which was the quickest route to the hospital from our house. I liked driving down highways because I liked watching the guard rails pass by - when you were driving fast enough, you couldn't even see the little 'legs' (as I had referred to them in my younger years) which held them up.

It didn't take more than 20 minutes to get there. After about 15 more minutes of sitting around in the waiting room, a few doctors moved us into an ER room. Pony, who had woken up again, got into a bed. I sat in one of the same uncomfortable yellow plastic chairs they had out in the waiting room, holding onto Pony's hand for dear life. A doctor had already done some sort of examination on him before they'd let me come inside. I didn't know who was more scared about the whole situation: me or him. Ever since I was little, I've hated the doctor.

Steve was outside calling Darry and Soda. Being in the hospital had made me feel really sleepy. I hadn't slept properly since the accident - right now, of all times, I could feel it catching up to me. Normally I had a difficult time falling asleep anywhere that wasn't my own house. Even when we'd stayed with Mom's sisters up in Kansas, I slept less than usual, I really just needed my own bed. However, maybe it was because it was almost 1am, but all I wanted to do was get into the bed next to Pony and just sleep through the next few days.

Steve returned a few minutes later and took the seat next to mine. Pony was sitting up in bed. As far as I could tell, everything was normal, no gibberish. I looked at Steve - we both decided furtively that wouldn't tell him about how he'd asked for Mom and Dad.

"Darry's on his way right now." Steve let us in on the news. "They need him to sign a paper or something before they can do surgery."

"Do _what?"_ I almost yelled, causing the headache I hadn't known I had to go crazy.

Pony just took a deep breath that sounded like it was filled with broken glass. The closest anyone in our family had ever gotten to surgery was getting stitches. Those were never a big deal - they were even something my brothers were proud of having. Once Soda even told me they kept count.

"I didn't really understand too much of what they were telling me. He has some sort of ' _itis' -_ I can't pronounce the beginning part, so don't ask me to try. And it's no big deal about Darry - he was on his way home from work anyways."

"Congratulations, Pony, you didn't interrupt him," I said. Honestly, I still couldn't wrap my head around it all, and it sort of felt like the room was spinning. Ponyboy still hadn't said anything, but he _did_ look absolutely terrified.

Just then he grabbed the trash can they had put next to his bedside and puked into it. It was the kind where I could _tell_ that nothing wanted to come out. But Pony hacked into the wastebasket for a good 30 seconds before he put it down again. Steve looked disgusted.

"Sheesh, kid, you sick _again?"_

"No. I guess I just haven't had that much time to process that I'm gonna have _surgery_ tonight." he said.

"Stop being so dramatic. You either, Jo, you look like you're gonna faint. Jeez, you guys _always_ turn out ok, you'll be fine. Remember when Soda tore his ligament?"

How could I forget? It was a few months ago - he hadn't rode in a rodeo since. It had absolutely killed Soda to still go to rodeos, but to just sit in the stands and watch. He always liked to be part of the action. Even when his leg healed, Mom and Dad wouldn't let him compete again.

"I guess," I said to Steve. "I just thought Darry could've gotten a little more used to being guardian before one of us ended up in the hospital." My own thoughts were getting loopy - I couldn't really focus exactly on what I was saying, like Pony earlier.

"Jo, you're sort of crushing me."

I hadn't realized I was still holding onto Pony's hand - even tighter than before. "Oh. Sorry."

Just then Soda barged into the room. He looked like he had the night that our parents had died and I saw him in my bedroom doorway - like a mess. He was also still wearing his DX outfit, so I knew he had come straight from work.

"Darry called me at work. God, I'm sorry I wasn't there, you could've called me!" he said frantically. "Pony, are you ok?" Ponyboy just shrugged. Then Soda saw me. He stared at me a second too long before speaking, and I remembered that I had forgotten to wash off all the makeup Grace had put on me. It was a miracle Steve hadn't mentioned it yet. "Jeez, what happened? What's on your face, Jenny?"

I couldn't answer. Jeez, I was just now remembering a boy had tried to _kiss_ me tonight… I wasn't ready to tell Soda what had happened, even though I knew I eventually would have to. I just hoped it was me and not Pony.

Steve stood up and tried to cool Soda down by directing him into the chair where he'd been sitting. "They're both fine, Soda, calm down. I drove them here."

"Nice, Steve, pointing out what _you_ did," Pony said, then puked into the bucket again, for real this time. Soda gave him a concerned look but kept on talking to Steve.

"I know. Thanks, man…" he looked completely ragged. Honestly, I'd be impressed if he made it here without getting a speeding ticket - Soda could get hot headed really easily. "Me and Darry got here at the same time. I guess he must've been working pretty close. He's out there right now, about to bust some heads. The poor nurses."

"Did they at least tell you what Pony has?" I asked, not having gotten a very good answer from Steve. My legs were starting to cramp up from sitting so long so I stood. Soda looked concerned when I needed to hold onto the bed rail for support, but he answered me.

"Yeah. Appendicitis. Damn, I didn't even know that _existed."_ Soda shook his head. In all honesty, as much as I was into science and biology, I had no clue what it was either.

"Ouch." Steve said.

"Guys, I'm right _here."_ Pony reminded us all weakly.

Soda, Steve and him continued talking, but I could barely hear them. All of a sudden I was certain that I had never felt so tired in my life. If somebody didn't drop ice cubes down my back, or slap me across that face, I _would_ fall asleep.

Soda's voice swirled into my mind. "Jenny? Are you ok?"

 _No, I'm not, actually._ "I don't know - I'm really sorry, Soda -"

"She doesn't look too great."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Jenny?!"

I was going to fall asleep. There was no way around it - I was positive.

"Jesus, catch her!"

I closed my eyes - there was nothing left that I could possibly do to keep myself awake - and let myself go.

* * *

 **Sorry for the cliffhanger - don't worry, Jo is getting a break soon.**

 **So, I lied. Instead of 3, there are officially 2 chapters to go. We're getting there!**

 **Please review! I haven't posted a chapter this long in a while and I worked hard on it. Also, PS, I'm proud of it. ;)**


	12. An Awakening

The next time I was aware of being awake, I woke up in a bed that definitely wasn't mine. For one thing, my sheets at home were blue, not white. They also definitely hadn't been washed in awhile - so there was no way they could smell this sterile.

My eyes felt like someone had glued them shut. It took a lot of effort for me to get get them opened, and when I did, I knew that the ceiling didn't match the one in my bedroom, either.

All of a sudden I realized how nauseous I was. Frantically, I searched for something for me to puke into - that was the dead giveaway that I was in the hospital. There was a bin next to my bed… I remembered Ponyboy using one last night. It must've been protocol for all the patients.

After I finished vomiting I noticed Darry was also in the room. He was sleeping in one of those hard, plastic chairs they also had out in the waiting room. I grabbed his knee and shook his leg.

"Darry!"

"Mhmmm? What?" I giggled. He was half sleeping, half awake.

"I just puked."

Darry seemed to become aware of his surroundings and jumped about a foot in the air. "Jo! Good lord, you scared the… crap out of me." he caught himself from swearing in front of me. I stared at him, amused, while he caught his breath. Seeing Darry get so scared when he was so big was kind of funny.

Then he looked at me - I could tell he was embarrassed. "How do you feel?"

I just shrugged. Other than having just puked, it didn't feel like any thing was actually _wrong_ with me - my mind was still working to try to process everything that had happened. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't remember parts of it."

"Uh… do you remember passing out?"

"Sort of. Not anything _after_ that though… But I guess that makes sense."

I was surprised when Darry smiled. "That has to be a new record, Jo - fainting _in_ the hospital."

I laughed. Darry didn't really joke that much, so it was almost funny just to hear him try.

"I also think me and Pony probably broke the record for most puking in one night, too," I said. "And morning."

Darry looked upset again, and I realized that, to him, there probably was nothing funny about this situation at all. His two youngest siblings were sick - technically, we were his responsibility now. "Jo? Would you mind explaining exactly what happened? I mean, is there anything else me and Soda should know about? None of us were there except you and Pony." I had a feeling Darry had already heard parts of it, that's why he was asking.

"How _is_ Pony? Is he ok?" Truthfully, I was still disorientated - but I _would_ tell Darry, eventually.

"Well, he's better than earlier, for sure," Darry didn't really seem to care that I had changed the subject - it probably would've been hard to reprimand me while I was in the ER. "Soda's in his room right now. We've been switching off between you two all night."

"You've been here all night?! Darry, you came right from work!" I realized he probably hadn't been home since he and Soda had left before dinner yesterday. No wonder he looked so exhausted!

"I definitely wasn't gonna leave Pony here by himself. And then, you…" he shook his head. "There was no way I _couldn't_ stay, Jo."

"Oh." I still wasn't thrilled that Darrt had slept in a chair last night. If only I'd been able to hold off fallen asleep until we'd gotten in the car… "What about Pony's… whatever it's called? I forget the name."

"His appendix. He had appendicitis - that's why he's been so sick. But he's fine now, from what I understand, they had to remove it."

"What? His _appendix?"_ Apparently, I still had a lot to learn about anatomy, which I wouldn't get to take until I was a sophomore. I hadn't known it was possible to take out entire organs.

"Yeah, it's sort of useless, apparently."

"Actually, someone told me that your appendix catches all the gum when you accidentally swallow it." I said. It had been Two-Bit, a few years ago, and I was just remembering where I'd heard the word 'appendix' before.

Darry didn't laugh, instead, he looked like he'd aged about 5 years. "I can't believe this happened to him. The doctor said if we had waited any longer, he could've _died,_ and I just thought he was overreacting." He shook his head. Darry would beat himself up about this for awhile, I knew.

"Darry, you couldn't've known. I've never even _heard_ of appendicitis."

I remembered what Pony had told me about how I was the only one who could really talk to Darry, so I decided I would try. I figured now was as good a time as any. "Stop blaming yourself, ok?"

Darry just stared at me. "Jeez, I never thought my 12 year old sister would be the one with all the advice." he put his hand on my shin, under the blankets.

I laughed a little. "Yeah, well, _one_ of us had to be the sane one."

"You did a good job, getting Pony here. I know that must've been scary."

I was too guilty to take the credit for saving Ponyboy. "It wasn't like I drove or anything, that was Steve. Besides, Pony pretty much saved _me."_ Darry looked at me, puzzled. All of a sudden, I was explaining everything that had happened, without leaving out a single detail. I wanted Darry to know everything that had happened. Without Mom, there wasn't a single person who actually knew _everything_ about me, and it made me feel less.. alone.

When I was done, Darry smiled slightly, and gestured to his own face. "I guess that explains all _this."_

"You're seriously not mad at me?" I asked. I wished I could get up and clean all the makeup off my face, except my muscles were actually starting to feel sore, now.

"I know I should be. And don't think just cuz I'm not punishing you means you can do this _ever again_ \- it could get us into some real trouble with the Social Services. But… no. I can't be like Mom and Dad in that way yet."

However much I wanted to convince myself I was being treated in the same way my brothers would be, I knew that had this been Pony in my position, the punishment probably would've been way more severe. But I took what I could get.

"I won't do it again. Ever. I promise."

"I know you do, Jo," he just stared at me for a second, like he was judging whether or not to say something. Then he said, "Also, it would be pretty hypocritical of me."

"Why? What did _you_ do?"

Darry started telling me about the things he'd gotten into in his younger years. I was shocked to find out that, for some of them, he'd been around my age for. I was starting to think that maybe, Darry snuck out even more than Soda, but was just better at not getting caught.

Listening to him relive all his memories didn't sound like a parent talking to me at all. In fact, like Pony had said, Darry sounded like my _brother -_ and I liked that a lot.

Eventually, my eyelids got to heavy for me to hold them open any longer. I fell back asleep, face-down on the pillow just so I could pretend I was in my own bed, ignoring everything but Darry's voice.

* * *

 **I thought a slower paced chapter was needed after all the action lately. Also, I wanted to make Jo and Darry's 'reuniting' it's own chapter. So, I lied - there will still be 14 chapters. (Can I ever make up my mind?)**

 **Thanks for all the reviews! You have no idea how much every single one means to me. And for those who read but have never reviewed - thank you, too. And I'd really like to know your thoughts, so you could consider dropping a line ;)**


	13. A Reconciliation

At around 4:00 that afternoon, I was allowed to go home, on the condition that I got lots of rest. The doctor who had come into my room to discharge me really made that clear - no overexerting myself. Personally, I felt completely better. However I knew that Darry would follow every single instruction to a tee, meaning I probably would be stuck in bed for the next day or so. I could practically see him taking "notes" in his mind while the doctor spoke.

Darry was the one taking me home, too, since Soda had been called in to work at the DX. He also couldn't miss much more school, which he would already miss enough of, since the funeral was soon. I'd be missing days too, I knew, but I tried to block it out of my mind.

Darry had brought me some new clothes to change into - the hospital had given me a gown. I went into the bathroom to put them on while he waited on the bed.

I came out and Darry looked anxious to leave. He hated hospitals as much as I did. "You ready to go?" he asked.

"Yup."

"Alright then. We're gonna go straight to the house, then you're _sleeping,_ got me?"

"I'm not tired," Normally I wasn't this stubborn, except there was no way I could fall asleep - it's all I had been doing since I was in the hospital.

"I don't care, Jo. You heard what they said - the whole reason you passed out was because you were _exhausted."_

"Well, it's not like I can just magically make myself fall asleep."

"If you can't fall asleep, then just lay there. Let's go." Darry said. Deciding not to fight him on it anymore, I followed him out into the hallway.

One thing being in the hospital had done was take my mine off of everything. I'd been so miserable _physically,_ that I hadn't even gotten the chance to think about all my other problems. But, I knew, once I went home I'd be back in reality again. The funeral was in a couple days - it was on _Christmas Eve,_ of all days. I used to like Christmas Eve more than actual Christmas, because of the excitement and anticipation. Now, I knew, both holidays would be ruined forever. We hadn't been able to have the funeral too soon after the accident, since the death was 'unnatural', they needed time to 'examine' our parents. I'd heard Darry and Soda talking about it in the living room a few nights ago when I was trying to fall asleep. Normally, if I had read about it before all this, I probably would've found that really cool, how they could tell what happened to a body even if the person wasn't alive. Now that we were discussing it about my own parents it sounded horrifying and disgusting.

Darry stopped walking and I skidded behind him, not having expected it. He turned and looked at me. "Wait out here. I'm just gonna go in and check on Pony, ok?"

"When's _he_ gonna get to go home?" I asked.

"Hopefully soon. I'll be out in a second."

"Wait, Darry, can _I_ go in?" I hadn't gotten the chance to see Pony at all, since I was in the hospital myself, but I wanted to before we went home.

Darry didn't look so sure. "Jo…"

" _Please,_ Darry? I haven't seen him at all! I promise I'll do every little thing you say. I'll go straight to bed the minute we get home, in my pajamas, for the rest of the night."

Darry sighed. A promise to do exactly what I was told was obviously too good for him to pass up, considering how stressed he already looked.

"Ok, ok. Be quick. I wanna beat the traffic."

"Thank you!"

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"Nope. I'm good." I wanted to talk to Pony on my own accord. If I was backed up by Darry, it would look like a forced apology.

I went into Pony's room. He was sitting up and awake, which surprised me, since I had thought he would've been asleep.

"Jo?" he asked. He looked shocked that I was the one there. He was probably expecting Darry, I realized.

"Hi, Pony," I closed the door behind me quietly, suddenly nervous. "Uh… are you ok?" Ponyboy looked really pale, and generally like a sick person would, but I couldn't see where they had done surgery. If I wouldn't have even been able to tell if I didn't already know… I don't know what I had been expecting. But I was glad, since seeing stitches always grossed me out.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't really hurt anymore, my stomach ache is gone."

"That's good."

"Can you get me a glass of water?" he asked. I noticed a water pitcher on the table near his bed.

"Are you allowed to have it?" I wasn't exactly sure what having your appendix removed implied for drinking water.

"It's pretty much the only thing I _can_ have."

They probably wouldn't leave it there if he couldn't actually drink it, anyways, I decided. I walked over and poured him a glass, knowing he was staring at me. I didn't look up until I handed the glass to him.

"Thanks," he said. Then, his sheets became interesting. "All of those nurses who came to get you last night said you were really exhausted, that's why you fainted. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's fine," I said, having learned previously to stop questioning it when Ponyboy wanted to apologize.

"No, it's not, Jo, I'm _sorry._ And I promise I'm not just saying that - I'm actually serious. I shouldn't've gotten mad at you. You're probably the one causing the _least_ trouble for Darry." He was talking to me like he would Soda, I realized, completely genuine. I smiled. Neither of them really knew it, but everyone else in the family was always jealous of their closeness, even Mom and Dad had admired it.

"I'm seriously ok. And _I'm_ sorry, too."

"You weren't being a jerk like I -"

"No, I was a complete brat." I said, refusing to let him blame this whole thing on himself. "This whole thing just totally sucks. Honestly, I wasn't mad at _you,_ I was pretty much mad at everything else."

Ponyboy just stared at me. Normally, it was _him_ who figured out the whole 'bigger picture', not me.

"Yeah."

I sat down Indian style on the bed. It was the exact same one I had had in my room, except the furniture in Pony's was reversed. "Maybe we could take it easy with each other, ok? At least until things kinda go back to normal. It would probably make it way easier for Darry and Soda."

Pony looked somewhat skeptical. "I will if you do."

"I _will,_ Pony, I promise. No more apologizing either."

Ponyboy considered that for a second, then smiled. "Ok. How about no more surprise piercings, too?"

I laughed. "I can't promise that."

"I'll also let Darry take care of all the yelling from now on,"

"Yeah, sure," I said. Pony and Darry still had a long way to go on fixing their relationship, I knew, but if _me_ and Pony could get along, anything could happen.

Just then Darry called in from the hallway. "C'mon, Jo! I said to just _check_ on him!" Pony and I both stared at each other for a minute, then laughed.

"Bye," I said.

"Bye, Jo."

I got up and went over to the door. I was about to go outside, but then Pony called out again, "Wait! Can you tell Darry something for me?"

"Yeah."

"Tell him that I'm really sorry, ok?" I just stared at him, puzzled. Ponyboy shrugged. "Uh… he'll know what it means."

"Ok." I agreed, then met Darry out in the hallway again. He smiled at me, and I knew he had heard us talking. It was a new thing to me, too. _I was getting along with Ponyboy._

"You ready to get out of here now?"

"Duh!"

The parking lot looked completely different in the daylight than it had last night, when I'd gotten here with Steve. It was sunny, even though it was freezing out, and me and Darry both sprinted to the car to get warm.

I had realized that, even if thinking about my parents still felt awful, life would go on. I'd probably never get over it, I knew. And even though things would probably never go back to the _old_ normal I had lived for the first 12 years of my life, we might be able to start a new one. I wasn't _alone,_ either, I had all 3 of my brothers. I looked at Darry gratefully while he buckled in.

"Hey, Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Pony say he's sorry, by the way. I don't know what that means. He said you would know."

Darry considered that. Then, he nodded slowly. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Alright. Well, the next time you see him, tell him I am too."

"How about _you_ tell him?" I suggested, knowing Ponyboy would appreciate if Darry came to him personally.

I watched Darry consider this too. "Ok. _I'll_ tell him."

I felt an all encompassing gratitude towards my brother. For the first time, I was truly thankful that he had decided to take us. I was _happy_ that he hadn't gone to college, of course I wanted him to go, but I felt rightfully more important. I wanted to hug him.

Darry caught me staring at him. "Jo?"

"Nothing," I said. "Love you, Darry,"

* * *

 **The next chapter is the last! Yay!**

 **Just to let everyone in on what I have planned - Yes, I'm planning a sequel with Jo in it, picking up a week or so after this story ends. I have the whole plot planned, I'm still making changes, but it's going to be roughly 36 chapters, which is WAY longer than this one. In order to be able to keep up with it I want to get at least 10 written before I even start to publish it. So, the sequel probably won't be up for awhile BUT I'm going to continue updating Fluctuation (this story from Pony's POV) from time to time, whenever I have time to write it. It's pretty easy to write because I have the whole entire plot already planned since it's the exact same as this one. Just to let you know what's going on ;)**

 **Anyways, PLEASE REVIEW!**


	14. A Hangout

_3 days later_

The night before the funeral all the guys came over to hang out. I had completely forgotten that they had Christmas break off too.

For the most part, we all sat around, and things went like normal. No one talked about the service tomorrow. Mostly everyone was out in the backyard playing with a football. Me, Darry and Pony were cleaning up after supper. Dally hadn't been around for weeks - he was never a constant in the group, since he by far got arrested the most, so no one questioned why he wasn't around. We'd have to tell him what happened when he got back, I knew, and I wasn't sure I was ready to see that fresh grief all over again. It still didn't even seem real to _me._

I was so spaced out I didn't hear Darry speaking to me. "Go outside, Jo, I can finish up."

"Huh?"

"I said you could go outside, now. Me and Pony will finish the dishes." He didn't look surprised at all that I had been zoned out.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead," he stared at me, and I got the hint that he probably just didn't want me around. I wasn't offended, though. It was probably so that he could talk alone with Pony.

"Ok," I tossed him the dish towel I was holding and headed out the screen door.

The second I was outside, though, I almost had my head taken off by a flying football. Then Soda came out of nowhere, completely trampling me. We both crashed to the ground, and, Soda weighing a lot more than me, it actually hurt.

"Heads up, Jenny," he warned me, just a little too late.

"Nice one, Soda," I shoved him off of me, brushing the dirt off my pant legs.

He just laughed. It was sort of nice to see Soda back in his element, laughing and generally not caring. I hadn't seen him like that in a really long time. However, some part of me knew it was only temporary, and everything would go back to the way it had been for the past week or so tomorrow morning.

"Where's Darry and Pony?" he asked me.

"Inside. Talking, I think."

Soda's face got more serious. I knew we were both thinking the same thing - Pony and Darry definitely needed time to talk.

"We'd better leave them alone, then."

"I know. That's why I left."

Soda nodded. For the most part, we both understood each other pretty well, but then again Soda understood everybody. It was no secret that those two hadn't been getting along well. Both me and Soda had a mutual agreement not to get in the way too much, and just let things work out themselves.

"Hey, Soda!" Steve yelled from across the yard, holding up both hands for a pass. Soda mock threw the ball in his direction, then ran towards him, tackling him full force. As soon as he had come over to talk to me, he was gone. I rolled my eyes - _boys._

I spotted Two-Bit sitting on the old couch we kept on the back porch, smoking a cigarette, and went to go sit next to him. I hadn't talked to him since that afternoon in the car, I realized, when he had told me he didn't want me smoking

"That's some example you're setting from me," I said and grinned. "I thought you made me promise!"

Two-Bit looked shocked to see me. "Hey, Squirt!" Before I could escape, Two-Bit had his arm wrapped around my neck, in a full-on headlock.

"Stop it!" I screamed.

"3...2...1…" I squirmed through every second of Two-Bit's countdown, until he finally let me go free at 'one'. "Huh. I win."

"That's _really_ not funny," I said, rubbing my neck. Although, even though I would never admit it, it felt good to have someone not tip-toeing around my feelings for once.

"How're you feeling?"

"Better. I mean, it's been about a week since my last fainting episode, so that's pretty good," I answered, and lightly punched him on the shoulder.

"Hey! That's _really_ not funny." I scrunched into the corner of the sofa to avoid Two-Bit trying to poke my ribs, laughing, but it was getting tiring to put on an act. Everything starting to feel superficial at this point.

Then, for the first time, I noticed Johnny was sitting on the other side of Two-Bit. I felt really bad - he always ended up going unnoticed by me. It's not that I didn't like him, and I didn't do it on purpose, except we were never usually close. He was quiet, and I had trouble talking to people who weren't outgoing and loud all the time, like the majority of my brother's friends. Out of the gang, I probably talked to him and Dally the least - Dally just flat-out terrified me, at times.

"Hi Johnny," I said. Suddenly, I was calmed down from the tickle attack that Two-Bit had just threatened me with.

"Hey Jo."

"It's good to see you back over here, we missed you." I said. But, then again, if it were me, I would have avoided all that grief too.

"Yeah, me too," Johnny looked around him. "Is Pony around."

"Inside with Darry. I wouldn't interrupt…"

"Have they been killing each other lately?" Two-Bit butt in. I hadn't realized it before, because our parents always acted like a buffer, but Pony and Darry _had been_ butting heads for a long time now. Had everyone noticed except me?

"Sort of. But I think they're just talking right now."

"That's good. I didn't wear my fighting shoes today," Two-Bit said and I laughed.

Just then, both Pony and Darry came through the screen door. Pony and Johnny communicated just by looking at each other - I had seen Pony do that with Soda, too, but I had never been able to do it myself. Johnny got up from the couch and both of them went inside. Darry went out into the yard and caught a football effortlessly in mid-air that Steve had thrown. I had to admit, I was always impressed by his football skills.

Darry and Soda made a few sarcastic comments towards one another, about how Soda had ditched helping out with the dishes tonight. I didn't really mind - 3 people was more than enough to get the dishes done, but it was nice to have some of the normal bickering back. I thought about how this was the eye of the storm, the return to normalcy before it went away forever, after the funeral.

After a brief wrestling match in the yard Darry noticed where I was sitting. He came over sat down, ending in me being squished between him and Two-Bit. I liked the feeling, I felt safe and protected.

"Is Pony ok?" I asked him quietly, leaning my head on his shoulder. He still smelled like work. Dad had smelled the same exact way, too.

Darry nodded, still staring out into the yard, watching the boys play football. "I think so, Jo."

"Are you ok too?" I asked even quieter. I didn't want Two-Bit to hear my question.

"You don't need to worry about that."

"But I _do_ worry about it Darry, all the time."

Darry just wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me into his side. It was then that I realized how incredibly exhausted I was. "You and Pony might have a lot more in common than you two think."

I thought about seeing Pony in the hospital. "Maybe," I agreed, knowing that a few days ago, I would've looked at Darry like he was absolutely crazy.

* * *

 **NOT THE LAST CHAPTER! I seriously can't make up my mind with this story, but the next one, I promise, WILL be the last. I just wanted a good send off for each character, even if there's a sequel, and I wasn't getting that here.**

 **Updates won't be as often, either. Track season has started for me, and basically, I wrote this all on a 'victory spree' because I got 3rd in my event, and then I crashed, haha. I'm with Jo though - track meets are long and boring and take up 4 hours of a day every week, plus practice every day, and homework, so I'm really sorry if this story gets put on the back burner for awhile. I'll try to finish up the last chapter soon, though.**

 **Please review!**


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